45 Second Reviews: Nik Freitas, Man Man, P.O.D., Ray J

Nik Freitas
Sun Down
Team Love Records

01:00-01:45 of “Sun Down”
“Sun Down” sounds like what would happen if a 14-year-old boy only owned two records, Harry Nilsson’s The Point and N’Sync’s N’Sync. What comes out of that is an adorable little song that sounds like it’s made for and possibly by children – on a record label called Team Love. If this isn’t screaming for cute tween indie-girl fans I don’t know what is.

Man Man
Ballad of Butter Beans
Anti, Inc.

01:20-01:55 of “Butter Beans”
I have no idea what the lead singer of Man Man actually looks like, but for some reason I picture him as a combination of Tom Waits and Nick Cave. In my head he also has a really big head. I’m not trying to pun on anything here, I envision him having a very large, wide head. He’s also six feet tall and likely dresses like a Mexican wrestler, but still wears thick black glasses.

P.O.D.
When Angels & Serpents Dance
INO Records

02:00-02:45 of “Don’t Fake It”
There are a number of things that one can do incorrectly when making “extreme” music. P.O.D. does it all. Here is a handy bullet point list so that you don’t make the same mistakes in your band:
--Power chord succession that does that, dun dun dun dunnnaaah thing.
--Have a sassy sounding backup singer that echoes the main chorus line.
--Scream for no reason.
--Sound like you’re rapping, not rocking.
--Preach. Nobody wants their music to tell them what to do.

Ray J
All I Feel
Deja 34 Records

02:30-03:15 of “It’s Up to You”
Every once and a while I’ll hear an album that will send me straight to the bathroom to vomit all over myself while giggling uncontrollably. What do you mean this has never happened to you? Whatever, that just means you don’t have as delicate of a critical ear. Anyway, if anyone has ever played with pitch correction software you’ll quickly realize that this song is riddled with it. Apparently Ray J can sing as good as he looks, and if the cover of this album isn’t Photoshopped beyond recognition than I need a new set of eyes.

--Thorin Klosowski