45 Second Reviews: James Pants, One Flew South, TobyMAC, Walter Meego

James Pants
Welcome
Stones Throw Records

00:00-00:45 of “Cosmic Rapp”
Whoa, set your ears to stun because “Cosmic Rapp” is a surprisingly interesting song that appears to showcase Stones Throw’s taste for the odd. The song combines everything that was wrong with the ‘80s with everything that is right from the ‘00s. Which is really too bad, because I had a bunch of trouser jokes lined up to make fun of this.

One Flew South
Last of the Good Guys
Decca Label

00:30-01:15 of “Makin’ It Rain”
For some reason every once and a while a dad-band releases a record on a fairly well-known label. This happens randomly, for no explicable reason, seemingly just to keep old sounds sounding new and new sounds sounding old. I mean, if the Grateful Dead and the Eagles get your barbeque hopping but you’re looking for something new to show off, then I imagine that One Flew South is right up your alley.

TobyMAC
Alive and Transported
Forefront Records

02:15-03:00 of “Catchafire (Whoopsi-Daisy)”
Oh my. I think I just found a contender for “worst song ever written.” This is some sort of rapping, rocking, with backup vocals kind of barf-soup that requires listeners to clean their ears with bleach after each listen. Way to go TobyMAC, now I have white ears to go along with my smooth summer tan.

Walter Meego
Voyager
Sony/BMG

00:20-01:05 of “Forever”
Before anything else I have to say one thing: This is the stupidest album cover I’ve seen in a long time. Okay, now that that is out of the way, this Chicago duo seems to be into the whole “let’s sound as electronic as possible while still remaining rock and roll” movement. Blah. I’ll just go listen to Human League.
--Thorin Klosowski