Thank you for sucking. No, really. Thanks.

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Are you in a band? Is your band terrible? If so, I want to say thanks -- thanks for sucking. You might think I'm joking but I want to assure you that I am fully serious. In a world filled with mediocrity, being truly terrible is a genuine accomplishment. And being a music critic, I have to say that sorting among degrees of mediocrity gets really, really old. So much of what I hear barely registers more of a reaction than the Internet-forum favorite "meh." And it can be excruciating to delve deeply enough into a bland, mediocre act to muster up the required insight to provide a critique. I mean , they don't pay me for sending in a review that reads, "meh, could be better, I guess." So let me reiterate -- from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sucking.

I only come across truly terrible bands intermittently. Seems that a lot of you are somewhat  talented, are willing to work at your craft, have decent taste and understand the fundamentals of music, even if you don't exactly have that spark that sets you apart. And those bands that do have that something special, plus talent, drive and the other stuff are always a joy to discover, even when they don't align with my taste. But the bad stuff? The really bad, cover-your-ears, "I can't believe you thought this was worth showing to people" bad stuff? Man, that is a a precious gift.

Your suckage energizes me and gives me the strength to wade through the mediocrity. Sometimes you make me laugh, sometimes you make me a little sad, sometimes you make me angry (usually when you are successful and terrible -- looking at you, Limp Bizkit) and sometimes I just shake my head in slack-jawed, dumbstruck awe while slowly drawling out, "What... the... fuck..." You give us all the other side of the standard by which to measure greatness (after all, there can't be a top without a bottom, right?). You remind me that for amongst the mass-market soulless, middle-of-road hacks peddling tired cliches and standard tropes there are some truly, ingeniously stupid ideas and confluences of influence out there. You make it easy to do my job and for that, I thank you.

Thanks for sucking.


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