Pabst Blue Ribbon is old hat: Here are ten hipster alternatives

Categories: Lists

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For some time now, Pabst Blue Ribbon has been the predominant staple of the hipster booze diet. It's cheap, it tastes acceptable, but most importantly, it's high in a key nutrient known as "irony," which it derives from its sort-of-patriotic, red-white-and-blue label art, and also from it's having been awarded "best beer in America" in 1893, when apparently there was a lot of really awful beer.

Consider the gentleman above: His vintage tuxedo shirt and penchant for wearing sunglasses when not needed peg him firmly within the hipster subgenus, but his trucker hat is out of date (you can have them back, Ashton Kutcher), as is as beer choice -- because hipsters must project their "individuality" through subtle differences in their uniform culture, the ubiquity of PBR makes it passe. Not to worry. So that you can stay on the cutting edge of tight pants and silly haircuts, we present ten hipster booze alternatives after the jump.

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The true hipster in this photo (note her ironic eagle/America T-shirt) is getting her mind blown by the irony of ironically consuming a workingman's beer that's also low in calories.

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Owing to the sheer density of hipsters in Portland, anything that comes from anywhere close to that city is acceptable for use by hipsters. Also, "It's the Water."

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Also acceptable by association for hipsters, Lost Lake shares a name with the second-most hipster bar in town. The downside: It's pretty much undrinkable. Use it as a prop.

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Eagle T-shirt girl continues to evangelize for Bud Light. Her test-subject, however, appears nonplussed.

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The backward sports-related cap marks this man as what many hipsters would refer to as "a douche," or member of a rival clan. His display of bottom-end status symbols, however, indicates he may be "riffing" on hip-hop culture, and thus being ironic, which would make him a de-facto hipster. Or is he both?

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When you're so hipster you refuse to support "the man" by drinking beer out of a can with a logo on it, consider drinking it out of some kind of teakettle... thing... or something.

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Because rich also people represent "the man," hipsters must always appear to be poor, except with regard to their fixed gear bicycles, which are required to "rock" expensive ceramic rims. With booze, however, "cheap" is the operative word, and there's nothing that says "cheap" like fortified wine.

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A few other booze options associated with the homeless. Any form of malt liquor is acceptable.

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Much like homeless people, these hipsters guard their beer and malt liquor jealously.

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Because this hipster's level of irony is so heightened he's able to use "party" as a verb, he's "keeping it real" by pounding straight out of the... wait, that isn't a hipster. That's Robocop.

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