Methods of Mayhem: Five alternate ways for Juggalos to express their displeasure

Categories: Lists

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Village Voice/Nate "Igor" Smith
All right, Juggalos, shit's getting out of hand now. We just saw some pictures of our dude Method Man with his face bloodied after apparently catching some sort of projectile in the face this past weekend while performing at the now infamous 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos.

What the fuck, Chuck?!

Throwing crap at Tila Tequila? Okay. Whatever. It is what it is. While no one's condoning it, necessarily, many folks can at least understand the source of your vitriol. But Meth? C'mon, now! That's just taking it way too far!

With that in mind, we racked our admittedly pea-sized brains and came up with five alternate ways of expressing your displeasure without potentially putting an eye out -- when, say, flipping the bird or turning your back on a performer just won't do the trick.

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01. Pack a Nerf Revolver Granted, this is nowhere near as gratifying as chucking a bottle filled with urine or tossing a chunk of granite the size of a baby's fist at somebody's dome. Nonetheless, it will project at what we assume is a similar velocity, and fact is, wielding a Nerf anything is unlikely to draw blood, land you in the hoosekow or get your ass sued. Just saying.

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02. Convey Your Emotions/Reactions Through Really Expressive Facial Expressions Although this one's pretty time-tested and not quite as effective in conveying the sentiment as hurling debris at someone, you can be assured that mean-muggin' someone with a really stern look will, at the very least, hurt some feelings.

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03. Shout Inexplicable Obscenities If killing them with kindness is too pussy of a proposition for you, how about this one: Confound them with colorful yet completely random and incongruous curses. Sample shouts: DEEP FRIED DRYWALL MUD! SUCKLING SUCKERFISH SUPPLIER!

04. See If You Can Do Better There, Sport Don't like what's happening on stage? Fair enough. We hear ya. How about you get up there and see if you can do better there, smartypants? What's that? Ah, yes, the idea of throwing shit's not quite as appealing when you're on the receiving end, is it?

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05. Be Like Jesus When all else fails, how about just taking a cue from the Messiah and turning the other cheek? After all, didn't those Insane Clown dudes you follow recently embrace Christianity or something? We might be wrong, but this seems like exactly the kind of notion they'd completely co-sign.


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