Top 10 Booze-Fueled Holiday Songs
It's a holiday tradition no less practiced than trimming trees and visting family. We're speaking, of course, of drinking. And while "Frosty The Snowman" works just fine for opening presents with junior, kids songs start to sound a little creepy once you go in for thirds on the 'nog. We, of course, are always here to help with these sorts of conundrums, which is why we've compiled the ten most boozy holiday songs. Fair warning, party people: not all of them are especially merry, but it's good to know limits anyway.
10. "Here We Come A-Wassailing" Traditional
Originally written as a good luck charm for the cider harvest (sounds a little Pagan, no?), this is one of the few Old English carols to endure. Probably because most people are using wine or spirits to make their cider merry these days, whereas no one's about to start munching on a boar's head.
9. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Randy Brooks
Here's another one you might not immediately think of as a drinking song. But remember: grandpa pleads with grandma to stay because she'd drank too much egg nog. It's a jolly-sounding song, but remember kids: Don't drink and drive a sleigh. Terrible things have happened.
8. "Who Spiked The Eggnog?" Straight No Chaser
A capella group Straight No Chaser make a living on booze-related singing, obviously, but this is their holiday standout. It's cheesy, sure, but so is the holiday season in general, and we appreciate the fact that it's a song about office Christmas parties. Such a weird part of American culture, and yet so unheralded in song.
7. "The Night The Whiskey Froze" by Fred Gosbee
We swear this is a real thing. It appears on Gosbee's Christmas album of the same title, and he's got an interesting point to make about whiskey as it relates to your ability to conceive a child. It's a detriment, apparently, which is why we'll take a double. (Just kidding. We love kids)
6. "Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis" by Tom Waits
Some hookers never change. We start off with the results of our narrator's late night mistakes in Minneapolis. Namely, a child and, perhaps, a reformed life for his partner in debauchery. But then it turns out she's lying and just needs money to get out of jail. Presumably so she can continue to drink and do... other things. As always, tales like these gain a rare dignity in hands of Mr. Waits.