Inspired by Ben Weasel's female bashing SXSW fracas: The five worst onstage outbursts

i can do all things through testosterone which strengthens me. and i'm here to remind you, my little lady, that going through childbirth and labor doesn't make you tough. maybe if you didn't scream like michael jackson or take painkillers to deal with the pain, you'd be tough. actually, you'd be tough if you didn't regard it as painful. the truth is, childbirth doesn't make you tough...and it sure as hell doesn't grow your pathetic muscles into something substantial enough for you to be considered "strong". i went through a car crash, i went through the windshield, i went through weeks in a coma...and i was a skinny little schoolboy with lackluster physical abilities. there was nothing tough about me, there certainly was nothing strong about me - yet somehow i survived in spite of the doctors who told my parents that i would die. there was nothing tough about me, yet somehow i lived through more agony than that of mere childbirth. my body was weak, as i never exercised or played sports - i was an actor, for crying out loud. i could act quite masculine...but i was the antithesis. sometimes i did act manly, and they may have called me "masculine Wannabee," but i'm sure if i was female then my histrionics would have earned me the title of "Strongwoman". man, oh, man...being "tough," being "strong," these are not justified by a baby who exits one's womb, man. wombman, wombn, woman, you may scream in agonizing pain, but so did i when the doctors were putting my fisted hands into splints to keep them from staying fisted. i'm sure that my ten curled fingers being stretched and straightened in preparation for the splint was just as painful an ordeal as when your baby-receptacle was being stretched in the deliverance of a baby. both ordeals simply had to be done. we both only endured pain, though, and that doesn't make anyone tough . and if pain made me tough then i sure wish someone would have told jana olszyk - she was hot. she was into the tough jocks. er, the tough jocks were into her...actually, they were always going into her. all of them. i seem to remember her as a little slutty. maybe it was her make-up. hmn...i'm not saying that there is no such thing as a "tough lady," i'm not saying that "tough" isn't a role, but a baby exiting a womb does not a tough lady make. i do believe that there is no such thing as a "strong woman" - but i guess each gender has a different definition of "strong". i guess "strong for a woman" is how i'd describe my own level of strength. i'm certainly not "man strong," not yet anyway...but masculine levels of testosterone sure make me more likely to get there. as a man, i am more likely to achieve a competent level of strength than a woman is. i can do all things through testosterone which strengthens me...which is more than i can for estrogen. biology says that the role of the woman is to be a dairy provider. plain and simple, milk and eggs. the barbells at curves fitness say that the role of the wombn is to be lesser than what the barbells at the ymca say that the role of the man is. the u.s. olympic competitions say that the abilities of the wombn must not compete against the abilities of the men, why would that be? is there a lesser gender that wants to be placated into thinking there's such a thing as gender-equality? isn't that cute? "a woman can do anything a man can do," oh, it's so warm and fuzzy. the lies we tell. saying that pregnancy makes females tougher than men, well, that's as much a matter of "grasping for straws" as the gay "man" who says that homosexuality is superior to heterosexuality because "men know what men like". i have actually heard gays reason this way. in their world, pleasure trumps everything. still, though, gay "men" might know what men like..but they're proud not to know much else as they gawk in utter amazement and wonderment and puzzled confusion at a penis. i don't know how many porn videos i've seen in which gay "men" cock their heads when staring at a penis, as if to say "penis makes us go hmmn...". prince had a song called "i wonder u," and it should have been the theme song to a movie about two masculivoids who wore cowboy hats. women spurt blood and lay eggs, women spout milk, women were designed for motherhood - female olympians do not compete with men because they don't stand a chance. they are the lesser and they cannot do "anything a man can do". gay guys marvel at masculinity like they're a bunch of gender-deficient masculivoids, they have no esteem or love for themselves as a legitimate member of their own gender - they are the lesser and that's why they search for the man of their dreams in somebody ELSE. maybe if a feminist was man enough to turn a gay guy on, we'd have the quintessential progressive family - where the man submits to the wife as he pats himself on the head for not being the "male chauvinist" of yesteryear. where the female controls the husband as she pats herself on the head for not letting her ever-submissive vagina define who she is. oh, we are already there - Strongwoman is the controller and the protector of the family...her hips widened so nicely as an adolescent, i'm sure she'd be able to use them to stand her ground against the man - that broad-shouldered criminal who will break into her house with plans to harm her kids after they've suckled her milk jugs and were put into their cribs.. maybe Strongwoman's vagina could shoot a bloody egg at him, once she used her assisted pull-up machine to be tall enough to face him eye-to-eye before she spreads her legs and shoots him with a tidal wave of blood. i'm sure she could use her breasts to shoot some milk at him, too. maybe after she defeats the bad man with her menstrual cycle and her MOMmary glands, she'd think to audition for a movie. she'd read for kevin costner's role and she'd command her husband to read for whitney houston's role in a remake of "the bodyguard". Strongwoman to the rescue! therrrrrrrrrrrrre's no need to fear, Strongwoman's here! Strongwoman can do all things because childbirth strengthened her. hmn, i used to practically scream in pain on the bench-press...but i stopped screaming once my chest became stronger. the funny thing is, Strongwoman screams every time she's giving birth to a baby...does labor really strengthen her? dylan terreri, i www.strongwomen.info ..... "When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." - Madonna www.jaggedlittledyl.com/essays --