Top 5 songs that will lead you into alcoholism

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There are a ton of songs out there that inspire us to throw down. For some it's the awesome "Margaritaville," and for others it's the dive-bar proud "Friends in Low Places." But even these songs are lighthearted. They might be about alcohol, but they don't really inspire you to get trashed, too.

But plenty of other songs do. Some tunes come very near to pouring the drinks for you. Because goddammit, there are sorrows to be drowned, loves to be forgotten and one-night stands to erased from our memory banks. If all else fails, there's always something to celebrate. That said, in honor of Fat Tuesday and the upcoming drink-a-thon we all know as St. Paddy's, here are five songs that will lead you into alcoholism. Bottoms up.

5. "Pour Me Another" - Atmosphere

Atmosphere is known for creating alcohol-inspired jams, but this particular fucked-up love song will lead the strongest of men to start drinking over the loss of their special lady friend. Not for a day, a month or a year...more like a lifetime of booze and pain. This one is more for the people already on the cusp of losing their shit -- the people who could go either way, but then that one girl fucks them over, and POW! With lines like "Pour me another cuz I can still see the floor," you'll be inspired to start counting shots down to last call, too.

4. "Alcoholic" - Fishbone

This upbeat, perfect-for-summer, windows-rolled-down jam is sure to make you shake your moneymaker with a bottle in your hand. Ironically, the song itself is actually all about how bad booze is for you, but it's far too fast and upbeat to discourage us alkies from tossing a few dozen more back. A word of warning: Don't actually watch the video while drunk or you will vomit. Come to think of it, maybe that was the point. Eh...who cares?!?! SHOTS!

3. "Red, Red Wine" - UB40

First recorded by Neil Diamond (a fact that's sort of like finding out that Tony Bennett was the first to sing "Baby Got Back"), this song was made wicked famous by UB40. Red, red wine will make you feel fine, friends. We all know that warm, cozy feeling we get when we walk into our favorite pub, and we all know the pain caused by the shittiest day in the universe. Mix those two events together and there's nothing else to do than get shit-faced drunk.

2. "Gin and Juice" - Snoop Dogg

Is there anyone in the universe that doesn't want to just lie back with a cool drink with their mind on their money and their money on their mind?? This song is, simply, the shiznit. It doesn't matter if you're living in the 'hood or growing up in the suburbs: Snoop Dogg has the innate ability to make us want to drink. He just looks cool with 40s and chronic in his fajizzled hands. And by the way, Snoop? Thank you for introducing us to the most delicious concoction to hit high schools since schnapps.

1. "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" - John Lee Hooker

Can we all just take a moment of silence to praise one of the raddest drinking songs ever? Seriously, bow your goddamn heads. There is no one better to sing about drinking than John Lee Hooker, and if you don't feel inspired to get plowed down to the floor when he sings about getting stoned and drinking, then there's something inherently wrong with you. It's the same story about his missing old lady, but something about the pace of the song makes you feel like a pussy if you don't drink one bourbon, one scotch and one beer...over and over and over.

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4 comments
Abohlen
Abohlen

I actually like that last song! They did it on Glee last week which is the only reason I know the song lol. I don't really like the title though- it would have been better to call it " Songs That Will Drive You To Drink" - Don't want to promote the word " alcholic, alchoholism"

EvaE
EvaE

Very funny! Thanks for something to laugh at and listen to during my work day!

ErikhaD
ErikhaD

Why would Fishbone's Alcoholic lead anybody to drink? The song is thoroughly about the dangers of alcohol and the depressing realities of alcoholism.

More than anything, I guess it just points out the uselessness of these contrived 30 second write up "Top 5/10" blog posts that serve as filler on Westword blogs.

PQ
PQ

flogging molly - drunken lullabies

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