Professor concludes that sex sells. Who knew? The 10 best "reproductive messages" in songs
State University of New York professor Dawn R. Hobbs recently concluded that 92 percent of the songs that made it to the Billboard Top 10 in 2009 contained some form of "reproductive messages." The conclusion is unsurprising: Sex sells. What is mildly surprising, however, is the statistical degree to which it apparently does: We don't just buy sex, we devour it. Then again, the Billboard charts have always been rife with explicit reproductive messages. Here are ten of our favorites.
10. Color Me Badd - "I Want to Sex You Up" (1991)
Color Me Badd declines to go into much detail regarding the sex acts that will constitute the "sexing up" referred to, beyond "Let me take off all your clothes"-- but that's pretty much par for the course when it gets down to reproductive time. Far creepier, really, is the video, which, using the mind-blowing '90s trick of putting TVs on TVs, features a security guard keeping a watchful eye over security cameras that evidently only film sex.
9. The Captain and Tennille - "Do That to Me One More Time" (1980)
Songs with reproductive messages tend to be smooth, but it doesn't get much smoother than the extended synth-flute solo that anchors The Captain and Tennille's "Do That to Me One More Time," in which Tennille can't get enough of a man like, ostensibly, the Captain. Baby, we're sure he will. We're sure he will.
8. John Mayer - "Your Body Is a Wonderland" (2003)
Proof positive that a song containing reproductive messages doesn't even have to be any good to top the charts is John Mayer's "Your Body Is a Wonderland," in which Mayer pines for his sweetheart's "pair of candy lips and your bubblegum tongue," weirdly implying that he intends to chew her body parts vigorously. But watch out, ladies: He'll use his hands.
7. Digital Underground - "Humpty Dance" (1990)
From that weird time in the early '90s when rappers emulated Jewish people and adopted arcane pronouns from middle English for rhyming purposes comes Digital Underground's "The Humpty Dance," which you can tell is about sex because the opening line says "Do me, baby" and the bass line just sounds like freakin'. Shock G. also addresses a number of other subjects, such as how he prefers his oatmeal.
6. Salt-N-Pepa - "Push It" (1986)
Basically all of Salt-N-Pepa's songs were about reproductive messages, but probably the best (in multiple senses) was "Push It," in which the majority of the lyrics were basically the sounds Salt-N-Pepa would make if they were having sex. They also take the time to demand sex now, or else they're going to get pissed.
The top 5 are on on the next page.