Ten tunes to play when you're getting laid

Categories: Lists

021313_vday-03.jpg
3D illustration: Julien Tromeur

Like attack ads during election season, the jewelry commercials are set to overdrive. Rose prices have gone up, like, one billion percent. Everywhere you look, it's all pink and red and hearts. Yep, V-Day is upon us. You know what that means, right? It means that after you get all that sappy sentimental crap out of the way, you'll be getting it on like a love-starved sailor on weekend leave. And if you happen to get lucky, you're going to need a sultry soundtrack to consummate your love. Lucky for you, we've compiled a very special playlist (or p-laidlist, if you're nasty) just for you based on the type of listener you are, whether you're a hipster or a juggalo. Keep reading for our list of salacious ditties to slip on to your hookup playlist.

See also:
- Ten things Taylor Swift taught us about love
- Ten things R. Kelly taught us about love
- Fifteen love songs about inanimate objects

Hipsters: TV on the Radio - "Lover's Day"
You hipsters have some seriously high standards when it comes to the music to which you like to bang. That said, "Lover's Day," by TV on the Radio, won't let you down. Bonus: With its long instrumental interlude mid-song, it won't be distracting while wining and dining your special friend. This epic hipster song feels a little obvious, but it promises to get you so high that your faces melt off. Of course, we know you're actually too cool to participate in this man-made holiday, but just create a heart out of PBR cans; you won't regret it.

Monsters: Lady Gaga - "Highway Unicorn"
Okay, little monsters, we know that this day can be a little challenging for you because getting undressed from your ridiculous V-Day attire may be almost impossible. But this song will go well with all the unbuckling, unstrapping and all the getting past your severe self-esteem issues. Any song with unicorns will inspire you both to share your deepest feelings for each other, and after you're done, you can spend the night looking at the "best of Gaga" and giggling your stalker asses to sleep.

Juggalos: Insane Clown Posse - "Another Love Song"
There have been a lot of rumors around town that Juggalos are going out of style and/or that they are assholes, but, hey...assholes or not, you guys have the right to get freaky on Valentine's Day, too. Our suggestion is to put on this sweet, sweet "love" song while you and your partner put on your clown makeup. There's nothing more romantic than clowns, right?

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17 comments
weldcountysucks
weldcountysucks

ICP???  never would of thought those dudes were still around?? I thought they died out like ten yrs ago lol should of anyway..

tzadik42
tzadik42

I would have put The Weeknd's High For This on the list.  Damn sexy song.

rightonbarto
rightonbarto

i was super curious about this list.. and then... Insane Clown Posse?! nothing makes a dick more limp that insane clown posse. in fact, the word "dick" and the name "insane clown posse" shouldn't be in the same sentence .... UNLESS it's "Insane Clown Posse? What are you? some kind of dick?"

dave.herrera
dave.herrera moderator editor

@Cognitive_Dissident If you're a fan of Motown, you don't need any coaching. You've already got mad game and impeccable sensibilities, clearly.

dave.herrera
dave.herrera moderator editor

@tzadik42Pretty much anything by theWeeknd would work. If this were simply sexy songs, I'd add anything by Sade, but particularly "No Ordinary Love," "Til the Cops Come Knocking" by Maxwell, "Feenin' by Jodeci, "Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star...oh, so many others.

Cognitive_Dissident
Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

...as "Love's Theme" just happens to stream on my internet radio feed (FM5280.com.)

Cognitive_Dissident
Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

@dave.herrera @Cognitive_Dissident The first thing that came to mind was Marvin Gaye. There's got to be half a dozen good ones right there. Other Barry White, of course. One fun experiment would be to go to youtube and find Marvin, then listen to at all the great stuff from other artists that shows up in the right-hand margin. I pretty much did that, once.

"Let's Stay Together" comes to mind as one of those...bunch of Temptations too. Chilites...there's no end.

dave.herrera
dave.herrera moderator editor

@Cognitive_Dissident It's like my old OG player uncle used to say when people asked him how old he was: "I'm old enough to know right from wrong, but far too young to say no." Ah, yes, "Love's Theme." I was just going to ask you what "old-timer's" consider shag worthy?

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