Ten tunes to play when you're getting laid
3D illustration: Julien Tromeur
Like attack ads during election season, the jewelry commercials are set to overdrive. Rose prices have gone up, like, one billion percent. Everywhere you look, it's all pink and red and hearts. Yep, V-Day is upon us. You know what that means, right? It means that after you get all that sappy sentimental crap out of the way, you'll be getting it on like a love-starved sailor on weekend leave. And if you happen to get lucky, you're going to need a sultry soundtrack to consummate your love. Lucky for you, we've compiled a very special playlist (or p-laidlist, if you're nasty) just for you based on the type of listener you are, whether you're a hipster or a juggalo. Keep reading for our list of salacious ditties to slip on to your hookup playlist.
Hipsters: TV on the Radio - "Lover's Day"
You hipsters have some seriously high standards when it comes to the music to which you like to bang. That said, "Lover's Day," by TV on the Radio, won't let you down. Bonus: With its long instrumental interlude mid-song, it won't be distracting while wining and dining your special friend. This epic hipster song feels a little obvious, but it promises to get you so high that your faces melt off. Of course, we know you're actually too cool to participate in this man-made holiday, but just create a heart out of PBR cans; you won't regret it.
Monsters: Lady Gaga - "Highway Unicorn"
Okay, little monsters, we know that this day can be a little challenging for you because getting undressed from your ridiculous V-Day attire may be almost impossible. But this song will go well with all the unbuckling, unstrapping and all the getting past your severe self-esteem issues. Any song with unicorns will inspire you both to share your deepest feelings for each other, and after you're done, you can spend the night looking at the "best of Gaga" and giggling your stalker asses to sleep.
Juggalos: Insane Clown Posse - "Another Love Song"
There have been a lot of rumors around town that Juggalos are going out of style and/or that they are assholes, but, hey...assholes or not, you guys have the right to get freaky on Valentine's Day, too. Our suggestion is to put on this sweet, sweet "love" song while you and your partner put on your clown makeup. There's nothing more romantic than clowns, right?