The worst rock/pop lyrics of all time: 20-11
Join us as we go further down the rabbit hole of cringe-worthy rock lyrics, making our way through an underselling David Lee Roth, a culture war waged by Avril Lavigne, a melodramatic suicide note from Blink 182, some lumpy Black Eyed Peas and Chinese food that makes LFO sick, while Bob Dylan and the Newsboys battle it out for shittiest Christian Rock one liners. So lower your bars of expectation, the Bee Gees are about to find out how deep your love is, and it's going to be a bumpy ride.
20. Van Halen - "Jump"
"I ain't the worst that you've seen/Oh can't you see what I mean/Might as well jump/Jump!/Might as well jump"
Oh, Diamond Dave, why is it that you can sell yourself as the sexiest narcissist on the planet when you hump the camera lens and perform slow motion jump-kicks during the video for this song, and yet the best pitch you have for the girl of your fancy is: "I ain't the worst that you've seen." And you follow this up with the thrilling recommendation that she "jump!" Sounds more like a Samuel Beckett play than a coke-rocking-orgy. Come on, you're David Lee FUCKING Roth. Shouldn't you insist that she have her clothes ripped off by rabid monkeys while wearing a gas mask and chained to the brick-wall of your sound-proof love dungeon while you sing show-tunes and swing an enema bag over your head?
19. Avril Lavigne - "Complicated"
"You see you're making me laugh out/When you strike your pose/Take off all your preppy clothes/You know you're not fooling anyone"
There's nothing worse than a Hot Topic suburban-goth calling another kid inauthentic. This mall-punk tribute to dressing one way and not another embodies everything that is horrible about being a teenager. The poor kid she's singing to could've just as easily been a conformist, sporting green-hair, in Dickies shorts with a chain wallet, while macking on Avril Lavigne at Orange Julius, and now that he shops at American Eagle and publicly hates NOFX, he's actually being himself.
18. Kansas - "Dust In The Wind"
"I close my eyes/Only for a moment/And the moment's gone/All my dreams pass before my eyes/A curiosity/Dust in the wind/All they are is dust in the wind"
First off, I think this video qualifies as the ultimate ambassador of the 1970s. The lyrics are also a pretty legit example of what happens when you combine too much coke and too little creative integrity. Unless you've got a blood and blow smeared nose while rocking out on a waterbed below a disco ball, this song doesn't come close to sounding as epic as it intends to be.
17. Blink 182 - "Adam's Song"
"I took my time/I hurried up/The choice was mine/I didn't think enough/I'm too depressed to go on/You'll be sorry when I'm gone"
These lines could've been plucked out of the diary of pretty much any teenager growing up in the '90s, for more reasons than just the Nirvana plagiarism. This song was intended to be the thoughtful, more prescient side of Blink 182 -- but it's probably the most juvenile set of lyrics the band has ever composed, sounding more like a whiny threat shouted at your mother when she wont let you go to the Dashboard Confessional show on a school night.