The ten things rock stars do to try to remain relevant when their stars start to fade

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7. Marrying up
The easiest way, as a musician, to keep some money in your bank account is to marry up. A perfect example of this is Victoria Beckham. Beckham made her millions as a Spice Girl but quickly realized those bitches were going nowhere, so she married the "ab-ulous" David Beckham. Not only did she up her fashion game by marrying this famous soccer star, but she's now like royalty or some shit. Ridiculous and brilliant.

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Eric Gruneisen

6. Selling their music
There may be nothing worse than hearing your favorite song used for a commercial; this betrayal (yes, it is a betrayal) kills all of us at one time or another. And a crap-ton of musicians have licensed their music to shill various products. The list of sellouts includes: the Rolling Stones, Green Day, Madonna, the Beatles, Johnny Cash, Bill Withers, the Cars and Robert Palmer. The list goes on and on, but it's hard to type over the tears.

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Eric Gruneisen
Let's just say, there's a reason this dude is wearing shades.

5. Getting horrifying plastic surgery
We understand that this takes money, but these ex-celeb musicians seem to think that getting some terrifying plastic surgery will, in some way, revamp their careers and...they are wrong. Case in point: Gene Simmons. His ugly mug is almost as bad as his ridiculous attitude, but to be fair, it's probably tough to age with anything resembling grace when you can list "fire-breathing demon that bled from the mouth" as a career.


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11 comments
CocoHudson
CocoHudson

The Acting spot would have been better to have a list of musician-gone-actors, I think it would be a close race between Mark Wahlberg and Will Smith for most famous change-overs.

damian.burford
damian.burford

I seem to remember (MC) Hammer was always rapping and singing about Jesus, loooong before his career took a downfall. That was why we all laughed when he tried to become a gansta rapper.

Veronica Crowell
Veronica Crowell

Here's a tip for them to stay relevant. Keep writing and recording music we want to listen to. We will continue to give a shit.

Mark Pants
Mark Pants

Tiffany was a helluva rock star.

Skippy T. Farnsworth
Skippy T. Farnsworth

Relevant is just people trying to sound high minded when they are being shallow and putting someone down for not being FUCKING TRENDY anymore or just getting older. Music for music sake. Fuck all you glorified bloggers.

Bug007
Bug007

The photo in #5 obviously isn't Gene Simmons. It is Axl Rose. And the author says "case in point, Gene Simmons..." how this person a music writer if they couldn't tell the two apart?!

CocoHudson
CocoHudson

@Nunyaz Bizniss You're so right. Doing reality TV, Playboy, plastic surgery, etc. is the best way to avoid "being trendy"

dave.herrera
dave.herrera moderator editor

@Bug007 Dave Herrera here, editor: I actually placed that photo, and as a card-carrying member of the KISS Army, I am well aware of the difference between Gene Simmons and Axl Rose -- Simmons was simply invoked as an example of a rockstar whose had work done. Rose would be another. That said, blame me, if anything, not the writer. Totally my bad.

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