The ten things rock stars do to try to remain relevant when their stars start to fade

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Brandon Marshall

4. Having kids and trying to make them stars
Washed-up musicians are all about grooming their offspring to take over the family business. Let's take Wolfgang Van Halen, for instance: We know his dad is a wackadoodle, so it's no shock that Eddie encouraged his offspring to not only be a musician, but to play as a bassist in Van Halen. We also have Will Smith's hair-swinging baby Willow.


3. Doing Playboy
We think that '80s stars may have the market on Playboy covers; maybe these ladies graced the pages of the most respectable nudie mages because it was in their contracts? Or maybe the ladies of the '80s just like sticking their titties on the glass (yes, we're looking at you, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Belinda Carlisle and Vanity).

2 Live Luke for President.

2. Going into politics
Musicians know all too well what it means to play to a crowd, so it just makes sense that they would go into politics. Honestly, out of all the categories, this one makes the most sense. Think about it: They still get to be on a stage, enjoy the adoration of fans, engage periodically in sordid trysts -- and, best of all, they never have to explain any of their actions! The kissing-babies part might be a smidge weird, but these ex-rock stars have kissed plenty of ass, so I'm sure they can adjust.

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The Acting spot would have been better to have a list of musician-gone-actors, I think it would be a close race between Mark Wahlberg and Will Smith for most famous change-overs.


I seem to remember (MC) Hammer was always rapping and singing about Jesus, loooong before his career took a downfall. That was why we all laughed when he tried to become a gansta rapper.

Veronica Crowell
Veronica Crowell

Here's a tip for them to stay relevant. Keep writing and recording music we want to listen to. We will continue to give a shit.

Mark Pants
Mark Pants

Tiffany was a helluva rock star.

Skippy T. Farnsworth
Skippy T. Farnsworth

Relevant is just people trying to sound high minded when they are being shallow and putting someone down for not being FUCKING TRENDY anymore or just getting older. Music for music sake. Fuck all you glorified bloggers.


The photo in #5 obviously isn't Gene Simmons. It is Axl Rose. And the author says "case in point, Gene Simmons..." how this person a music writer if they couldn't tell the two apart?!


@Nunyaz Bizniss You're so right. Doing reality TV, Playboy, plastic surgery, etc. is the best way to avoid "being trendy"

dave.herrera moderator editor

@Bug007 Dave Herrera here, editor: I actually placed that photo, and as a card-carrying member of the KISS Army, I am well aware of the difference between Gene Simmons and Axl Rose -- Simmons was simply invoked as an example of a rockstar whose had work done. Rose would be another. That said, blame me, if anything, not the writer. Totally my bad.

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