The ten horniest metal bands

Categories: Lists

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Getting laid is one of the perks of the trade. Guys form bands with the sole goal of getting their bananas peeled. Most metal dudes are satisfied with groupies every night, but some just can't get enough of the jiggly bits and the furry monsters, so they end up singing about sex on top of that. That's what these ten horniest metal bands are about. Just try to contain yourself while unclothing this list with your eyes, and then go get your freak on.

See also:
- The ten geekiest metal bands
- The 25 coolest Iron Maiden T-shirts we saw at the show
- The 25 most badass local metal album covers

10. Tool
Tool, as in big dick. Tool, as in their first band logo of a wrench shaped penis with two holes instead of one at the bottom, and a helmet shaped end. As a band, Tool is more about anti-censorship than sex, but the band has used sexual content to protest censorship. The video for "Hush," for instance, features a very naked band with a 'Parental Advisory Explicit Parts' sign over their junk, making a humorous stance against 'Parental Advisory' stickers on albums. The song "Stinkfist" is definitely open for artistic interpretation like all other Tool songs, but its message is delivered through sexual metaphors -- quite possibly about overstimulation of sex in our society, which could lead to more perverse acts.

9. Bullet for My Valentine
If Bullet for My Valentine sings, "Whoa ohh ohh" -- or any variation of 'whoa' and 'oh' -- one more time, even their groupies are going to start saying, "Whoa, no." Despite the rehashing of lyrics, the band does have plenty of sexual substance to appease even the horniest horn dog. In "Fever," the hotness of a female body has taken over frontman Matt Tuck, and he loses control of his body temperature because she's smokin', radiating with the lyrics, "Keep on those high heel shoes, rip off all your clothes/You smell so fucking good, it makes me lose control!" He's got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell -- and a roll in the hay.

8. Mötley Crüe
Yes, there is an endless list of hair metal bands that sing about sex, but Mötley Crüe was one of the hornier glam metal bands with a wild side. What else would you expect from a band with two sets of umlaut ball sacks in its name? With songs like "Slice of Your Pie," "Rattlesnake Shake," "Sticky Sweet" and "She Goes Down," it would be hard to argue that these guys were singing about long term relationship sex with one woman. Mötley Crüe's first video of "Girls, Girls, Girls" was banned due to uncensored nude strippers, and just in case they seemed vague, the lyrics are about the band's enthusiasm to see strippers get naked. "Girls, girls, girls/Long legs and burgundy lips/Girls, girls, girls/Dancin' down on the Sunset Strip."

7. Steel Panther
With much more hair and glam than metal -- much, much more -- and a good deal of tongue-in-cheek, Steel Panther will rock your world with its ultra sex lifestyle that could wow even the hardest hardcore metalhead. Albums like Hole Patrol, Feel the Steel and Balls Out don't need their connotation spelled out; they are albums that were erected with their super sexiness and held together with lots of hairspray. There are so many examples of sexual content in the band's discography, that just one dose from the song "Supersonic Sex Machine" will arouse sexual overload: "I'm the cyber-slutty sex bot made of steel/I am programmed to make all the bitches squeal/I've got gluteus of aluminum and circuit board abs/I'm impervious to hackers, Chlamydia and crabs."



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35 comments
Suzi Home Maker
Suzi Home Maker

oh great. another story about how horny men are. how innovative!

Matthew Jenkins
Matthew Jenkins

Finding cock? Those guys probably never hit the nani

teababe27
teababe27

I would also include Poison.

Jason Arnold
Jason Arnold

To call these bands "metal" bands demonstrates your ignorance.

Crystal Morris
Crystal Morris

This list is total bs, really really disappointed with this. I think u guys need to go back and do some actual research on the band's and there songs. Just because a band writers one song about sex doesn't mean they are horn dogs or that all there songs are about sex.

Merréll Barry O'Brian
Merréll Barry O'Brian

All KISS sings about is fucking. They even have a song saying so "I just wanna". LOVE KISS. Love men who love to KISS.

Jana Goff Tweedy
Jana Goff Tweedy

Wait...Steel Panther is REAL??? I always thought that they were like Spinal Tap.

Jay Mesa
Jay Mesa

You already did this bullshit list.

Jeremy Coss
Jeremy Coss

Motley Crue had Wild Side, Dr. Feelgood, Don't go Away mad all not about sex. Nine Inch Nails Hurt is about drug addiction, Something I can Never have was about a lost relationship, head Like a hole was nothing about sex, Tool's Aenima was about LA being a cesspool, Korn had plenty of non sex songs, Marilyn Manson also had more songs not about sex than about sex. Where did you find your writers from? I'm thankful Warrant wasn't on this list also even though they would be an easy choice with Cherry Pie but have so many other songs that are incredibly deep.

Skid Jarrett Gilmore
Skid Jarrett Gilmore

Is there a list for the ten worst Westword lists to be reposted ten times?

Diane Stinson
Diane Stinson

It's a streeeeeeeetch calling some of these bands "metal"

Josh Moore
Josh Moore

That's the worst list ever. I mean EVER. The dude who wrote this is like 23. HAS to be. Led Zeppelins Lemon Song.... Whole Lotta Love? Korn???? Yeah they ooze sex!

Jay Mesa
Jay Mesa

Terrible list. No Poison, VH, or Faster Pussycat? Hell, even Jackyl wrote a song called "She loves my Cock."

zacass6
zacass6

im getting horny just reading this

steiningermatt
steiningermatt

Great article bro, the writing had me smiling the whole time and a few laughs. :-)

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

... "Bück Dich, Bitches! ... and feel that FIST of REGULATION you myopically begged for!


RustyShackleford
RustyShackleford

Article should have been titled "The Eight Metal Bands No One Would Miss Should They Be Wiped From The Face of the Earth".

And why Tool and NIN were in this article, I'll never know...

Alecia Stark
Alecia Stark

I can think of a few more that should have been on the list. Ghost for sure, not so much in their lyrics but artwork and merch.

Aaron Thackeray
Aaron Thackeray

Can do without a few, but can't live without the others. Cody Hull

Jezebel Jones
Jezebel Jones

KORN makes me laugh. JD uses a teleprompter on stage to remember those shitty lyrics you mention in the article.

rodgersjfr
rodgersjfr

@RustyShackleford Agreed!  I don't recall a single sexual reference in a single song on Tool's last 2 albums, and even Stinkfist seems to use sex just as a metaphor for something larger,like life in general.  The shouldn't be anywhere near this list.

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