"Theres only nine hot girls in this whole thing": Quotes overheard at Gathering of the Juggalos

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Nate "Igor" Smith

During the Gathering of the Juggalos, Cave-In Rock, Illinois becomes a sonic disaster zone. Even if you're a rap lover, it's hard to keep your mind sharp with all of the noise. But within the cacophony of sounds, a few incredible Juggalo statements were somehow deciphered and recorded by our numbed ears. The things these people said may not make a ton of sense, but when you are surrounded by a constant thundering bass drum, the maniacal shouting of "whoop, whoop," and the occasional dynamite explosion in the distance...you probably wouldn't make a whole lot of sense, either.

See also: The Gathering of the Juggalos: Misconceptions and first Impressions from Cave-In-Rock

"Oh shit, Metallica!" [starts headbanging]

- One way to be sure that you're at the Gathering is that the Black Album by Metallica is always playing. And no one seems disappointed.

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Nate "Igor" Smith
A juggalo with a "drug bridge" T-Shirt at the Gathering.

"Its synthetic acid. It's from Canada. I wont sell you more than two hits."

- Three sketchy kids wearing gym shorts were sitting outside of a tent with a sign that read, "$10 TRIP YOUR FACE OFF" and said this to us. They claimed to be selling a hallucinogen called 2CB. After hearing reports the next day of multiple overdoses on a drug called 25i (also called N-Bomb, a derivative of 2CB), this encampment mysteriously disappeared. They also offered us a money back guarantee.

See also: Death at the Gathering of the Juggalos: "Four dudes that had been sleeping with a corpse."

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"This port-a-jon smells like shit!"

- Shouted by a kid with a wiry frame with homemade tattoos. He yelled at a dude asleep on the ground a few minutes later and was surprisingly effective at getting him up.

"Girl, I would break your neden."

- Said by a kid so young it is difficult to believe he is aware he has a penis. If you're anything like me, you had no idea what "neden" was but picked up on it using context clues pretty quickly.

"Where did my dick go?"

- Only a small piece of garbled nonsense to come from a Juggalo swaying back and forth near a Port-a-John.

"You don't know what a cheeseburger is? Oh my god, they're the best."

- Some girl said this to someone else in a tent we were passing by, I swear to god.

"Im illin' and chillin' with my guts all over the ceiling."

"We're scrubs so we always get the bone."

- Two sets of memorable lyrics from stage performers

"I don't know, I think Whitney Houston should have died."

- Source unknown

"I don't know if you know or care, but do not take the acid."

- Heard from a conversation being held in a golf-cart while passing

"Do not take anything called 'spice' -- that's bath salts."

- From an unnamed associate

"You can take mushrooms and eat acid just as long as you don't have any glass bottles."

- Security at the front gate

Quotations from the Gathering continue on the next page.


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60 comments
Johnny Genova
Johnny Genova

Seriously? Don't you guys actually read the news papers? There's a lot more things going on in the world then stupid shit like : agree or disagree, hot or not, or any of the other ridiculous topics you continuously publish. Come on Westword, get it together. Really though, look at the picture above and tell me there's even a question of the hotness of those two. For shits sake stop with this stupid shit. I'm seriously one more stupid post from removing you from my timeline.

Jonny Hamel
Jonny Hamel

Who in their right mind hired a social media editor that is sooo out of reach with their online community on Facebook?! Let alone a Juggalo whore creeper?! Oh wait, it was the Westword. This event was not even in our state... Get a grip. Stop posting this shite. It's time to report on good Colorado happenings like the Cultivate Festival that just went down in City Park today. One more post, and you lose this citizen brigade. It's time that your readers take over!!

Chad OfThe Valley
Chad OfThe Valley

Say Juggalo again...I dare you--I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

Aaron LeForce
Aaron LeForce

no one gives a fuck about juggalos you retards. i am about to unsubscribe if this bullshit continues

Gordon Bombay
Gordon Bombay

Just stop. Please. No one gives a shit about juggalos.

Glen Eastwood
Glen Eastwood

I have fucking had enough of this, who is in charge of your social media.

Michelle Gilbert
Michelle Gilbert

Hot or not? Hot or not.....I think the overwhelming consensus is NOT. Perhaps Westward readers have more taste for women who don't have a Juggalette tramp stamp above their vagina and/or a supply of clown makeup in their bathroom. I'm thinking I'm not alone on this.

Rob Bell
Rob Bell

They come complete with their own Parole Officers and Restraining Orders... Soooo Cute!

Ryan Lusby
Ryan Lusby

I take it a Juggalo works at westword? This didn't even take place out here!! That is what makes it really stupid. hahaha!! I am embarrassed for you!

Jason Timothy Ward
Jason Timothy Ward

wow, this is getting me VERY close to unsubscribing. Who is paying you to do this? So many other music & art events to fill your pages. Don't fill it with crap please!

Marc Khan
Marc Khan

For the love of god, JUGGALOS ARE NOT HOT, THEY ARE NOT INTERESTING NOR INTELLIGENT, AND NONE OF YOUR READERS CARE ABOUT THEM. Yeesh! Lol just read the comments on your other Juggalo posts!

Marcus Netters
Marcus Netters

I like Juggalos they remind white people that they have Niggas and it's not a race thing.. and then i feel better.

Aaron Wells
Aaron Wells

Insane Clown Posse... well they definitly got the "Clown" Part right.

Rob Payne
Rob Payne

What is a Juggalo? Let me think for second.... A lost white kid, who thinks he's the shit, when he's really just a crusty twit.

Jason Timothy Ward
Jason Timothy Ward

Pleeease stop with the Juggalos stuff. I get a little sick every time I see you post this.

wynn500
wynn500

I moved to Denver from Southern Illinois, that venue and the crowds had been known for rampant drug use and crappy facilities. Its on private land so the Police dont actually go into the grounds. They have arrested naked Juggaloes breaking into a local Illinois State Police officer's house. Its been like this for years.


Ken Walters
Ken Walters

Technically that should be: "Know any hot Juggalettes?" I guess you're not "down with the clown," which is probably a good thing actually. Dealt with these people for a lot of years. At first ICP drew a pretty laid back, civil crowd and you didn't have any problems, not anymore though. For some reason their fan base has shifted to attract a lot of drugged up opportunistic criminals. Worked a lot of shows and the all time worst crowds I've ever had to deal with are ICP and Tech9. Just too many needlessly aggressive people looking for trouble and seeing what they can get away with. If memory serves, the last time ICP played the Fillmore there were 3 stabbings in the area (one of which was fatal,) dozens of broken windows, numerous break ins and a half dozen brutal assaults. I know one of the parking lot attendants had to be hospitalized after being beaten and robbed by a half dozen people in makeup. It's my understanding what happened at that show got them banned from the Fillmore. What's really disgusting is ICP themselves. I've had two people that worked two different shows tell me that when they're not on stage they openly mock how stupid and worthless their fans are.

Matt Corry
Matt Corry

WOW! Thanks or these quotes, and actually going there, Daniel Hill and Drew Ailes!

Kevin Kirkland
Kevin Kirkland

why do u insist on posting this stupid fucking shit? Im only sorry I missed this cause I would have beat the shit out of every faggot "juggalo" bitch there

Charlie Whiskey
Charlie Whiskey

Considering that intelligence is a component of being hot, no.

Esteban Mainzer
Esteban Mainzer

9? someone has low standards. it's probably 3 or 4 at the most.

Tone Medina
Tone Medina

Never met a hot one, they are all trashy.

Derek MileHigh Nye
Derek MileHigh Nye

i was thinking the same thing when i was looking thru the pics over the weekend tryin to figure out what the hypes all about...not much lol

Sarah Castle
Sarah Castle

I am thinking this is actually "The People of Walmart", and their spawn!

Angelique Teague
Angelique Teague

I blame fluoride in the water, GMO's, and the society of "Idiocracy." The zombie apocalypse is here!

Angelique Teague
Angelique Teague

I could tell just by surface appearances and description that I didn't want to click on the link. lol

Luke Williams
Luke Williams

For all that is holy, why is this allowed to happen?! But now I kind of want to attend. For cultural purposes.

wynn500
wynn500

@Luke Williams  That area is poor and it brings in a good amount of cash. I have been to this venue for other shows ie "
hippie fests" I lived ten miles or so from there. They need money. period.


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