The ten shittiest post-grunge bands

Categories: Lists

081513_nickel.jpg
Britt Chester
Nickelback's on this list? No way, dude! Way, dude.

In the wake of the showerless grunge exfoliation of the early '90s, a slew of post-grunge bands emerged with diluted ditties filled with watered-down lyrics, all seemingly revolving around suffering through romance. Based on the endless stream of crap these bands churned out, these test tube babies were clearly breastfed on Soylent Green. Keep reading for the ten shittiest post-grunge bands.

See also: The ten shittiest nu metal bands

10. Candlebox
Jumping on the grunge bandwagon a year before Cobain's death, Candlebox achieved radio hits like "You" and "Far Behind," spitting up new pop-filled grunge and turning up the agony of love lyrics to charm romantics. Along with signing with Madonna's label (Whaaat?!), this was new evidence that major labels were acting like girlfriends: making them get more professional day jobs in the mainstream, scrubbing the grunge away and sneaking Prozac into their morning coffee. This humdrum transformation was the height of the band's downhill career, sticking to the same skim milk formula, lacking any versatility and creativity when it came to songwriting.

9. Three Days Grace
A cultivator of radio-friendly music, Three Days Grace's sound is clearly a diluted swallow of post-grunge bands from the '90s, like little brothers following in big brother's footsteps. Trying to put on a front as an aggressive alternative rock band, they could at least beef up their songwriting with a stronger structure, lyrics that don't immediately go out the other ear and riffs that don't sound like their last song -- and the song before that, and the song before that.

8. 3 Doors Down
3 Doors Down is a step away from a Taylor Swift country-pop rope burn. The band holds itself back from roping in authenticity with its sound, churning out three chord riffs, Matchbox Twenty vocals and songs you forget by the next song. "Kryptonite" was one of those songs radio stations couldn't stop playing, and if you've already unintentionally heard it a million times, you've already reached the peak of this band who has only focused on snagging hit singles instead of creating quality albums.

7. Finger Eleven
With eleven fingers you'd think Finger Eleven would shred a better guitar instead of sounding like they play with one finger. This band took post-grunge on a wrong turn down to an unrecognizable stripped quarry sound of pop rock. What kind of music is "Paralyzer" (the video above)? Dance pop/rock pumping off of the same vein of Kiss's disco rock? It's a song leads you to the dance floor with two left feet and eleven fingers, but kicks you back out with clashing cheesy pick-up line lyrics: "Well, I'm not paralyzed/But I seem to be struck by you/I want to make you move/Because you're standing still." Bleck!

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22 comments
teababe27
teababe27

Disagree with #10.

#6, 5, and #1 used to be good, and I say that without any irony.

Hell, I still like Nickelback's first 3.5 albums, with some songs after.

stanley1
stanley1

Once again, I ask. When can we expect the Top 10 Bands That Westword Pimped As The Hottest Shit Because They Were Oh So Trendy and Hipster But Ultimately Were Garbage? We could actually do a year-by-year of this. Please.

downward747
downward747

No idea why Bush and Live are on this list

Christopher Johnston
Christopher Johnston

3rd Eye Blind? System of a Down? Saliva? You missed SO many "Good" ones. Not to mention, why you gotta go negative? Let's talk about GREAT bands who came to replace Nirvana as the "Hot new thing" Grunge didn't die, it became POPULAR, which is a kiss of death for all those jackholes (we now call them hipsters) who HAVE to be "Unique". Soon as OTHER people like what they do, it's not cool enough. I say boo on your whole article.

Ian Guthrie
Ian Guthrie

this is a little embarrassing in my opinion... why not write an article about ten 1/2way decent post-grunge bands? I mean this article could've just written itself. Much like the 10 worst dubstep producers will write itself in about ten or fifteen years. lazy - all i'm saying.

Michael Patterson
Michael Patterson

The 10??? Why not all of them!!! Nickeldick and Godsmack clones and they weren't good in the first place. Fuck them all!

Mike Martin
Mike Martin

All of them. Not a big Grunge fan but even Nirvana is better than anything Post Grunge.

Griff2
Griff2

This would mean something if I actually cared about the writer's opinion. 

ecurmudgeon
ecurmudgeon

List fails without Hinder, Alter Bridge, Evanesence, Seether, Lacuna Coil, and Metallica since the Black Album...

jasoncburg
jasoncburg

I don't like lists. But I love this one. These are 10 truly terrible bands.

badczechoslav
badczechoslav

I generally like Westword, but this is just the opinion of some wanna be music guru or expert. 

JimTom
JimTom topcommenter

Westword finally got something right. You don't have to pick 10 they all suck.

Dave Shuck
Dave Shuck

Jesus, why just limit yourself to a list of ten? Most of the mainstream music during the late 90's was shit...at best.

GFTW
GFTW

Next article please: The Ten Shittiest Post-Sheehan Westword Writers!

ckn1010
ckn1010

@downward747 Because they're as squishy and gooey as the others.  Somewhere, Joh Belushi's ghost is wearing a toga and smashing a guitar into a wall.

stanley1
stanley1

@Christopher Johnston Great post. It's about being "first" and "new". As you said, Grunge was no longer "alternative", because millions bought into it, started their own bands, etc....then it became "corporate" and "commericial", so it immediately became the enemy to rags like Westword. Now we get to hear about the latest sleeved-up cello-hipster-Hi Dive folk-punk trio. woohoo.

stanley1
stanley1

@badczechoslav Welcome to Westword. Wanna be music gurus/experts are almost always failed musicians themselves.

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