The Miley and Bieber Method: How to prove you're a grownup to a jury of your peers
In honor of Miley Cyrus's gig at the Pepsi Center tonight, we here at Team Backbeat would like to honor the Princess of Twerk by providing a comprehensive guide for child stars looking to go rogue.
Timothy Norris for LA Weekly. Slideshow
So you're a Barely Legal former child star. Welcome to adulthood! Legal cigarettes, voting and porn await you! But dag-gone, you've built your whole career on singing PG-rated love songs to your teddy bears. What are you gonna do? How can you let the world know that you are legally legit? Here are some novel ways to shed the baby fat and jump-start a new life.
5. Twerk on your old toys
If you spent your 'tween years singing at and/or around teddy bears, maybe grinding up against them will let people know you're not a kid anymore, or that you're into furries, which is also cool (who are we to judge?). Ol' Miley's making it easy to forget that just a few years ago she was still Hannah Montana. She's turned awkward transitions to adulthood into an art form.
4. Star in a sexy crime-spree movie
You think you've got it rough? Selena Gomez looks like an eleven-year-old playing (un)dress-up. The girl is of legal drinking age. Selena and J-Biebs are a modern-day Britney and Justin: former child stars formerly in love who just want a little grown-up attention. For Selena, that came in the form of a rebelling in a bikini opposite James Franco.
3. Fuck it! Pee in a bucket!
Okay, so flaunting your sexuality may not be an enticing path to adulthood for everybody. Some might prefer something a little bit more avant-garde. In that case, how about peeing in a bucket? Too crass? Okay, there's always getting a DUI in the hot-rod car you're just barely old enough to drive. Or desecrating the memory of a treasured, near-holy historical figure. With news that Justin allegedly sucked on a stripper's nipple, it's safe to say that the Biebs is truly going rogue.