The Gathering of the Juggalos' Night Court helps wicked clowns bury the hatchet (NSFW)

Categories: Music Festivals

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Nate "Igor" Smith
A young juggalo faces punishment for his crimes.
Those in the outside world tend to view the Gathering of the Juggalos as a lawless festival of debauchery, with apparently violent clowns -- "gang members," even, if you ask the U.S. government -- running rampant and chaos ruling the day.

In actuality, this notion is far from the truth. Juggalos in attendance not only consistently treat one another with respect, but even have an institutionalized arbiter of disputes for when conflict does arise.

Have an issue with a fellow juggalo? Take them to Juggalo Night Court.

See also: We talked to the cops at the Gathering of the Juggalos

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Nate "Igor" Smith
"Fun Size": Defendant in this matter.

Case Number 1:
Michael v. Fun Size

When we arrived at Juggalo Night Court on this evening we learned that the previous case had just ended with a man known to the court as "Baby Dick" being submerged in a dunk tank, somehow ending up naked, and then getting struck in the testicles with a softball. That last bit was not part of the court's officially mandated punishment, but instead a vigilante-style, bonus-round attack exacted by the case's plaintiff, a four-foot-eight-inch, twenty-year-old known to the court as "Fun Size." The crowd took umbrage with this unnecessary and unsanctioned assault, and charges were quickly brought against the young lady.

The case of Michael v. FunSize deals with this matter. Michael eloquently explained to the jury, a.k.a. the entire crowd in attendance, why her attack was unacceptable and why it is important to uphold the rule of law. In response, the jury began chanting "SHOW YOUR TITS! SHOW YOUR TITS!" in unison.

Fun Size did as the court requested, and challenged Michael to do the same, scoffing that he would be unable due to his gender. Michael then removed his shirt for the court, inciting applause. One particularly eagle-eyed member of the jury declared that Fun Size "had bigger tits," which met with the approval of all in attendance.

Despite this compelling evidence, Fun Size was found guilty, owing to the fact that the jury had actually been material witnesses to the crime. In defiance, she double-flipped the bird as the bailiff led her to the Wheel of Bone, which would determine her sentence.

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Nate "Igor" Smith
Fun Size spins the Wheel of Bone.

Sentence: One vs. Many
Fun Size was given a helmet with a face mask as the Honorable Judge High Bone declared Juggalo Night Court to be "the only place where beating a woman is acceptable." Michael and two volunteers were given helmets as well, and all three were then handed American Gladiator-style pugil sticks -- the punishment was to be a three-on-one battle lasting one full minute.

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Nate "Igor" Smith
A mighty warrior, entrenched in combat.

And then they seized upon her. Fun Size battled with the might of a great warrior, undaunted even when her boobs were thrown clear from her shirt mid-battle, causing Judge High Bone to remark, "They hit her so hard her titties popped out!" Fun Size powered through and took aim at her lone female opponent, knocking the young woman's helmet clean off in a frenzied attack.

When the minute was up, all involved returned to their seats in the audience. "I think my finger is broken," the unnamed female volunteer remarked to her friends. "For real."

Continue to the next page for the second case of the night.


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25 comments
mickdobbles
mickdobbles

I'll be down with the clown till I'm dead in the ground!!


WHOOP

WHOOP!!!

Jarred Jennings
Jarred Jennings

My favorite part about this article are the comments lol hahahaha

Jeff Cook
Jeff Cook

why do you give credence to these people?

William Decker
William Decker

pretty sure Rocky Grass is happening in Lyons....hows that festival?!

A.j. Chartier
A.j. Chartier

Quit talking shit people! Quit being so close minded! Quit hating on things you don't understand, or even try to comprehend. Juggalos are not bad people. We do have jobs, we do have kids! We have families, and friends! This is no worse, then Woodstock. Ignorance, is the worst thing to hold on to. You people, can have it.

Michael Contrado
Michael Contrado

That's it Westword. I'm done following your shitty Facebook page.

Matt Chu
Matt Chu

It's Idiocracy in real life :)

Jay Cismaru
Jay Cismaru

As Sarah Silverman said the retarded must be resmarted

Mike Skeel
Mike Skeel

Jesus who gives a fuck about icp? This has nothing to do with Colorado, or culture

BigHand
BigHand

I like their style. Self rule is a concept lost on sheeple. Music sucks, though.

Will Suitts
Will Suitts

This is the best article westword has posted in weeks!

Fitz Greg
Fitz Greg

OMFG The non stop ICP coverage on Westword begins! This is like CNN with the 1st Malaysian plane

Kurt Weißner
Kurt Weißner

These are the most disgusting pieces of shit I have ever heard of, hands down pathetic

Clayton Capra
Clayton Capra

WTF? NIN was here for two nights and you barely mention it and these guys you're posting multiple stories a day?

Erin Maguire Pettitt
Erin Maguire Pettitt

Why. Why have there been like, 4 posts about this in 24 hours?? Nobody cares.

Ben Deco
Ben Deco

What they need is a spay and neuter clinic

Eric Scott
Eric Scott

Quit writing shit about these faggots

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