Ten reasons juggalos are better than you

9912059.87.jpg
All photos by Nate "Igor" Smith
Life sucks. There is a multitude of reasons why, and no one has come to terms with this inescapable truth better than juggalos. Zen masters of nihilism and partying, they have become unquestionable experts at finding creative ways to cope with the unrelenting pain of reality.

See also: Our complete coverage of the Gathering

Ten Reasons Juggalos Are Better Than You


Behind the fun-at-any-cost, consequences-be-damned attitude of these clown-painted fiends lies a cache of truly virtuous and respectable traits. You might be unable to comprehend that people who seem so strange might have something profound to teach you, so we've put together this list, outlining just what it is that makes juggalos better than everyone else.

juggalos-direct.jpg
10. Juggalos Are Direct
Juggalos look you in the eyes when they talk to you. After accidentally brushing up against your oversized backpack while somersaulting away in a hurry, they'll still find the time to stop to earnestly apologize. And if a juggalo is angry at you, he or she will let you know it right away -- probably in the form of a loud chant about how "You fucked up."

juggalos-reckless.jpg
9. Juggalos Are Reckless but Miraculously Competent
You should never fire off a Roman candle in the middle of a crowd. Unless, of course, you've already done it twenty times that night without a single error. One of the more incredible things about going to the Gathering of the Juggalos is the number of times that you stare directly into the face of danger and shrug your shoulders, because, "shit, no one else here seems to be dead yet."

juggalos-generous.jpg
8. Juggalos Are Generous
These are the sort of people that walk around with giant bottles of vodka, yelling into the sky as they offer free shots to everyone they pass. They hand you food that they're bored of eating. They show you their boobs if you just ask, and randomly give you a dollar to buy a bottle of water if you are thirsty. If you smell weed, you can ask for a hit without hesitation. Or if you happen to find yourself passing out on a grassy field after taking unexpectedly powerful hallucinogens, they just might provide all of the aforementioned things over the course of five minutes.

juggalos-vice.jpg
7. They Didn't Kill The People From VICE
Hey, they were nice people, don't get me wrong, but they were obviously out of their element. They dressed like German tourists, and we caught them taking selfies at the Gathering -- twice. (Their photographer is from Cleveland, yet doesn't hang out at the greatest bar in the world: Now That's Class.) Plus, they actually used the cell-phone charging station. Thanks to the benevolence of the Juggalo people, they made it out of this psychotic mess of a festival without being disemboweled. So that is pretty cool.

juggalos-chanting.jpg
6. Juggalos Are Brilliant at Chanting
While the most common chants are "Fam-i-ly", "Magic Magic Ninja What," and the aforementioned,"You Fucked Up," we also heard some other choice hollering:
"Mutilated Dick!"
"Cir-cum-sized!"
"Baby-Dick!"
"Suck His Dick!"
"Fuck Jay Leno"
"Fuck Johnny Carson"
"Fuck Jack Paar"
"Fuck Steve Allen"
"Fuck Ed Sullivan"
"Fuck Her Right In The Pussy"
Basically, if a phrase is about dicks or has the word "fuck" in it, juggalos will gather en masse and scream it in unison at the top of their lungs.

Story continues on the next page.



Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
83 comments
Mike Jo
Mike Jo

Life is what you make it. So go out and make it not suck!

Stefan Baros
Stefan Baros

I have no affiliation with Juggalos or their music, outside of my doctor, who's also one of the smartest people I've met thus far. All this juggalo hate is unfounded, LAZY and I highly doubt any of it is based upon empirical knowledge. It sounds like you guys are clinging to some type of high school grudge. Really sad.

Brittney Mattson
Brittney Mattson

Instead of just reading the headline of the article and immediately talking shit.. Why don't you take five minutes out of you pathetic lives and read to expand your mind frame??

John Rubano
John Rubano

Am i the only one who sees this article as sarcasm? When did the Westword become The Onion!?

Mike Dowd
Mike Dowd

Yeah, this finally did it. I've been patient with all your ICP postings over the last week. I'm over it. One less follower.

Jeremiah Talley
Jeremiah Talley

It could have been 1 reason. You shouldn't feel superior to the mentally ill and developmentally challenged.

Connor Glover
Connor Glover

I love how everyone starts complaining the moment a subculture that varies from theirs gains media coverage, especially in a good light. They post articles about whatever they feel worthy, and clearly informing the masses of a misinterpreted subculture is worth while. Any intelligent individual can see that they are trying to expand your knowledge of what happens in the area, whether it's what you want to read about is totally up to you.

Amanda Russell
Amanda Russell

Is this a joke? Come on westword pull yourself together!

Jake Becker
Jake Becker

And btw I think every single other person on the planet should feel superior to juggalos! I just hope theyre page got hacked by a juggahacker and this whole last week has been some kind of sick fucking joke. FUCK JUGGALOS FOR LIFE!!

Jake Becker
Jake Becker

Dont understand why theyre is still fucking articles about juggalos being posted! Starting to really piss me off! Along with everyone else below! Read Your commenrs Denver Westword! Noone fucking cares about losers who listen to terrible music! Gathering was last week or some shit! Cant you just let us continue forgetting about those dumbasses in facepaint like we always have!?

Matt Quast
Matt Quast

Fuck off . I'm done with you guys

Virgil Dunn
Virgil Dunn

Of course, they're reading them. They get their jollies off each and every time hundreds of butthurt commenters complain knowing full well they're not going to stop.

Tyler Cross
Tyler Cross

The whole civilized world has every single one of those traits.

Johnny Roybal
Johnny Roybal

Fuckin west word your a bunch of clowns too...

Tina Hagerling
Tina Hagerling

Good stuff! I took quite a shine to Juggalos after photographing The Gathering a couple years back (I pretty much went in blind). And what happened when the coverage was published? The moldy rants about Juggalos and their culture started filing in. Wear all that pissing and moaning like a badge of honor, Denver Westword!

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

.


Juggalos = grotesquely obese pig-ignorant socially retarded white kids


.

Jodus Barth
Jodus Barth

Juggalos are as stupid as the people offended by this page

Joe Trefry
Joe Trefry

The only reason I followed Westword was for the Denver Cruisers updates. The 54th juggalo post has earned the "unlike" button for sure.

muhutdafuga
muhutdafuga topcommenter

No one is better than me, and most other readers for that matter.  It sounds like someone has a new word and has to overuse the new word.


Jarred Jennings
Jarred Jennings

Wonder how many fans you lost in the last week and a half

Jev Ayala
Jev Ayala

The person who writes these articles is more than likely a Juggalo lol unliking. See ya Denver Westword!

Nick Roseland
Nick Roseland

You are a horrible "news" organization. Just dumb people.

Mike Skeel
Mike Skeel

William Luce IV, wrong, westword is about independent art and culture in COLORADO. And the gathering of the juggalos, even if it was in Colorado, is not art or culture

Mike Skeel
Mike Skeel

I dont even need to read this article. I KNOW im better than juggalos. I at least am not a grown man following a clique. And thats only one of hundreds of reasons

Felicia McBain
Felicia McBain

This article is pretty contradictory of what juggalos really are. "juggalos" is an amalgamation of inbreds, scumbags, unmotivated dumbasses, fat slobs, retards, and middle-class kids who want to piss off their parents but are too afraid of brown people to like rap and hip hop.

Becca Mertens
Becca Mertens

I am over all these stupid stories about the "juggalos". Seriously can we move on?

Joshua Massara
Joshua Massara

Yeah everyone should just unfollow this page. Every time you guys post something, the top ten comments are telling you to fuck off. I'm beginning to believe the sole purpose of Westword is to troll.

Ossama Hussein
Ossama Hussein

Is west word taken by all this juggalo crap? If so I'm deleting it, cause over the last few days I've seen way too much clown love on here...let's talk about Vinnie paz, Talib kweli, devin the dude, yasiin bey, del the funky, Krsone, blueprint, canibus, wutang, maybe even PAC or biggie.....but leave the clowns to their methed out white trash circus

Casey Schaefer
Casey Schaefer

So Westward, did you notice most of these comments are about how bad westward's FB postings are and not about your pathetic top 10 list? We want meaningful articles about music, food reviews, some local political news, and information about cool bands and local events no other paper is reporting on. Get it together!!!!!!!!!!

William Luce IV
William Luce IV

Holy shit people. Settle down. Westword is an independent arts and culture newspaper. Their back pages are full of ads for marijuana and "massage". If you want real news, then read a real newspaper. If you don't like what Westword is writing, then don't read it. Nobody is making you. What a bunch of frickin complainers

Randi Vigil
Randi Vigil

I think pissing off all these people, who for whatever reason, get so riled up about juggalos is kind of the point. Hahaha if you don't care, then don't. Stop crying about how trashy other people are, why what other people are into bothers complete strangers so much is beyond me, I love this interweb shit, people get so upset about this icp stuff.

muhutdafuga
muhutdafuga topcommenter

Sounds like you're talking about fauKKKs "news."

Now Trending

Denver Concert Tickets

Around The Web

From the Vault

 

Loading...