The ten best songs by awful musicians

Categories: Commentary

Jim-Morrison-the-doors.jpeg

Stopped clocks are right twice a day. Geoffrey Arend is married to Christina Hendricks. Performance artists get federal funding. Canada is south of Detroit. People wear Google Glass and think they look awesome. Some things you just can't explain, like how really shitty bands occasionally luck into recording splendid songs. To wit, here are the 10 greatest songs ever recorded by not-so-great musicians:


"Apologize," One Republic
Ryan Tedder is a hit-making robot in the worst sense imaginable. Crafting melodies with the sole objective of charting, he's a pop-music panderer, whether for his own band or the slew of sellouts he produces for. But here's the thing about pop music: Bad as the listening public's taste can be at times, sometimes mass affection is warranted. "Apologize" is one of the times they--and Tedder--got it totally right. The song is reminiscent of Chuck and Blair locking eyes from across a crowded club in Gossip Girl. There's just nothing more emotionally gripping.



"Boogie In Your Butt," Eddie Murphy
This might be the most sophomoric song ever recorded. The lyrics--clearly the fruits of an extremely inebriated green-room conversation--consist of Murphy rapping about shoving a bunch of disparate objects that rhyme into a rectum. ("Put a telephone in your butt/ Put a dinosaur bone in your butt.") But(t), in a still-on-the-rise (this was '82) Murphy's hands, it's infectiously hilarious, and the backing band is funky, like Morris Day loaned Murphy the Time for the night.



"Demons," Imagine Dragons
Taking the baton from Limp Bizkit, Imagine Dragons seem to operate under the mistaken impression that relentlessly cranking everything up to 11 magically makes music better. Except on "Demons," where Dan Reynolds backs the verses into methodical Coldplay territory before the chorus explodes. Somehow it works.



"Alone," Heart
The Wilson sisters are rightfully hailed as feminist trailblazers in what was then a rock landscape completely immersed in testosterone. But that doesn't mean their music was any good. Yet on Heart's most powerful of power ballads, "Alone," all the melodramatic guitar-lickin' works, and the chorus' come-on is oh-so-steamy.



"Drops of Jupiter," Train
This song has been so mercilessly overplayed since it was released 13 years ago (!) that you'd be forgiven for considering it annoying. But that's not Train's fault. "Drops of Jupiter" could be 99.9 percent trash and it would still be redeemed by the amazing line, "The best soy latte that you ever had and me." But the tune, masterfully paced and lyrically ballsy, isn't trash. It's actually pretty good, unlike the balance of Train's discography.

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65 comments
EvilUnicorn
EvilUnicorn

Heart rocks, what are you talking about? Barracuda, Magic man, Crazy on you, Alone, I could go on and on.  You must be a generation Y kiddie, don't know shat.

geo10001
geo10001

The doors were bad musicians (for a rock band) compared to who? Define a bad musician, and give an example, please.

mevans10
mevans10

This is an idiotic list. Heart's music isn't any good. I'm not some big Heart fan, but come on... Also, when did it become so trendy to bash The Doors? Say what you want, but they put out a lot more than one decent song. 

mikewofsey
mikewofsey

The Doors may be a wonderful band, but someone has to do penance for the miserable lyrics of Rider on the Storm, regardless that the instrumentation to the same song is pretty good. And that someone is them. Bad band! Bad band!

1564.jamie.b
1564.jamie.b

You're lucky you even have a job.This article is one of the worst I've read in a long time. But I guess stupid is what stupid does. Get a life, loser. BTW...Are YOUR songwriting skills better than those you put down?

Mike Middelburg
Mike Middelburg

Also the main picture being Jim Morrison is just asking for the reputation of this site/author to be hated by everybody who follows your facebook before even reading it

Mike Middelburg
Mike Middelburg

Yeah I'd stay away from continuing to make these poorly thought-up lists...to say they "aren't very good" would be putting it very generously. Westword has really been going downhill...copying buzzfeed's crap soft, list-based journalism isn't going to help revamp your image, if anything it'll just hurt it more.

Jan Reece
Jan Reece

This writer clearly knows nothing about music. The Doors are still relevant 40+ years after Jim Morrison's death, so you should check your facts before spewing your ignorance Westwood!! The most famous music critic's such as Rolling Stone, or Village Voice still write articles about The Doors every year and their opinion of them is completely opposite of yours, in addition their yearly music sales prove your opinion to be Trash!!

Aaron T. Kiess
Aaron T. Kiess

Decided to follow this page yesterday, read this article bashing the Doors, and will not be following after today.

smashley17
smashley17

So tired of Westword constantly doing personal opinion pieces. Seriously you can't decide who is a good or bad band, the person who wrote this article is extremely ignorant. They most likely love some auto-tune bull crap over people who actually had talent. Come on seriously Heart and The Doors on this list.....someone did not do their research, not to mention that the song they chose as the best for The Doors does not even showcase the best of them. If this crap continues I sure won't be reading Westword or recommending it to anyone.

Jeremy Kraus
Jeremy Kraus

Back to only reading the westword for concert info and dispensary coupons. Your opinions truly are offensive and show a lack of a music appreciation.

Rosie Loriga-Garcia
Rosie Loriga-Garcia

I can't believe u put heart on this list ann and Nancy Wilson are goddesses !!!

Joshua Massara
Joshua Massara

When did Westword turn into one giant opinion column? I'd rather read about donuts or weed or weed donuts. I'm at least glad to see the people of Colorado standing behind The Doors. Whoever wrote this should be terminated. In fact, never listen to music, or write anything, or even look at a keyboard/pencil/pen ever again.

Amy Ray Shippey
Amy Ray Shippey

So some douche canoe writing for a free rag thinks The Doors and Heart are bad bands? Don't feed the trolls...this idiot is obviously just trying to stir up publicity for his POS paper.

James Bullard
James Bullard

Maybe we should turn this into a, post your favorite doors song and flood this post. maybe we can use youtube?

Rene Quick
Rene Quick

Corky.... Hahahaha That is a good one!

Adam Smith
Adam Smith

Crazy to think that from within what is becoming one of the most important music hubs in the country, the most recognizable alt-weekly has a writer, and more importantly an editor that would see value in a post like this. That is before we dive into the ignorance of listing The Doors, Heart and even Fat Joe. Pathetic click bait I'd usually ignore, but this was too much.

Erich Dye
Erich Dye

Who complied this list ?!?..they NEED they ASS beat!!

Daisy Rothschild
Daisy Rothschild

Eddie: put an itty bitty man, in yo but put a garbage can in yo but Ohhhh yea that was a parody tho. He was making fun of music at the time, everything being about the butt. Wonder what he'd think now!

Mike Shaw
Mike Shaw

Heart, and every entity of Heart kicks ass! 70's 80's 90's and 00's simple. Get off the pipe!

Allison LeCain
Allison LeCain

Total crap! Many many many of the bands listed are great! Cleary this person doesn't know music.

Bradford Ashington
Bradford Ashington

Train DOES suck, but yeah....claiming The Doors is "awful" is just blasphemous.

Jill Kulanko
Jill Kulanko

So maybe "Alone" isn't Heart's best song, but seriously, you are retarded to say they weren't good musicians. Have you never heard Annie Wilson's voice? And the Doors are classic rock and roll.

David Paul DeMusis
David Paul DeMusis

Sometimes I think they write this shit just to get people in a frenzy. We should also consider the credentials of this dude. He certainly is no Lester Bangs!

Jeremy Coss
Jeremy Coss

Heart is on the list. Credibility lost

Jarrett Nave
Jarrett Nave

Most artists on this list have produced better songs than what is mentioned. This is full of pretentious bias.

Ryan Poteat
Ryan Poteat

Westword is such a joke. I'm pretty sure I follow you for the same reason people stare at a train wreck- It's hard to take your eyes off such a mess.

Jonathan Noa
Jonathan Noa

Instead of writing why westword can be so very wrong I would rather just like all 23 comments here, but to save time, I will just say ditto. Get a some new writers.... Please

Jonathan Nott
Jonathan Nott

Most of these songs aren't good. The doors are in the top 10% of all bands ever. Author, quit your day job.

Sean M. Chase
Sean M. Chase

This is certainly becoming more and more apparent.

Gabe Romero
Gabe Romero

I keep Westwood on my feed because I miss home and it gives me a connection. Then you go and start posting blasphemy like the doors and heart were mediocre. I hate you.

Lenny Juull
Lenny Juull

What do guys expect? This is westword after all. They only know where the pot shops are in town and that's about it. Westword sucks and everybody knows it.

Mackenzie Clark
Mackenzie Clark

Your articles on music are awful. Alex Faubel at 303 trumps the shit out of you

Austin Brannan
Austin Brannan

Westword I have never trolled or made nasty comments but you guys are so full of Shit. You must have a bunch of pubescent kids writing for you . Saying train is a bad band is wrong but to say the doors are you are just plain ignorant and don't know Shit about rock n roll

filak.steven
filak.steven

so are The Doors mischa.  Whoever wrote this piece sucks.  

Ricky McMann
Ricky McMann

Oh and yet another shitty music article from the brilliant minds at the westword. Give the fuck up. Youre garbage

Ron Salas
Ron Salas

Lost all credibility putting the Doors on this list. Break on through is probably the worst song the Band ever made. Wow. The Beatles are less talented than the doors. Ridiculous!!!

Ryan Legvold
Ryan Legvold

This is one of the ten worst articles of all time by awful writers

Cara Badenhoop
Cara Badenhoop

Westword now appears to be employed by a bunch of entitled teenagers fresh out of high school. Also, some very depressed angry people who keep posting angry articles bashing on everything from music to politics. CONSTANTLY. Not to mention whoever runs this joke of a Facebook page reposts articles every couple days as if we gave a shit about the 10 worst country artists of all time anyways. What. The. Fuck. Turn down the Ke$ha and whatever other shitty music you all are listening to and get some therapy.

PhreakySTS9
PhreakySTS9

While I DO agree with you completely, the Doors ROCK and are rock and roll icons, citing Rolling Stone reviews is not exactly the best way to prove your point. F Rolling Stone, those morons don't really know shit most of the time.

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