​Don't worry, none of us have been spirited away to some dank jail cell to pay for our crimes and send out the occasional dispatch in the form of a toilet pic. It only looks that way, based on this somewhat sketchy bathroom. Actually, we're pretty sure jail toilets don't have doors, anyway. We would like to thank whoever came before us for not bothering to flush. Or manage to get their paper into the bowl. Tell whoever raised you they did a fine job! For the rest of you, let us know where you think these facilities reside and you'll win the satisfaction of knowing you can find the dankest toilets in town. Yay?

​Normally, a lady like myself would run screaming at the mere mention of the words "unisex" and "bathroom" in the same sentence. (Okay, you caught me: I'm no lady.) But this mystery bathroom is clean -- even though those floor tiles are a bit yellow, they're not sticky or gross -- and the gleaming toilet seat is safe to sit on. Plus, the chain hanging from the diaper-change table has never run out of TP on my watch. Nine times out of ten, the thoughtful men in line before me are even nice enough to put the toilet seat down. Thanks, fellas! Can you guess where I'm peeing?

BTW, if you guessed the Thin Man as the loo depicted in our last installment of Guess Where I'm Peeing, you sure do know your water closets!

​Well, hello there! Guess Where I'm Peeing is making its triumphant return after nearly a month's hiatus. What can we say -- we can really hold it when we need to. For its glorious return, we chose a location with just a touch of class -- a touch. It's not the kind of place you need to wear a suit jacket to get into (does Denver even have any places like that?), but there's something about it that seems to have a bit more elegance than the usual dives we frequent. Need any more hints? The tile pattern you can see by the toilet should tip you off if you've ever been there, supposing you were sober enough to notice it. Okay, that's enough -- let's hear those guesses.

​We were all sitting around wondering how to make Guess How I'm Peeing even more offensive/frivolous, and then it dawned on us: adult vending machines. So this week, we're peeing, sure, but we're also enjoying the sights, and maybe even reaching into our pockets. For some change, sickos.

Ultimately, we did not actually patronize any of the three machines above the urinals in this week's outgoing beer receptacle. But we did take some time to imagine the scenarios where one might do some pisser-shopping here. What sort of desperation does it take to buy porn in the bathroom of a bar?

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All right, so last week's edition of Guess Where I'm Peeing was a little bit too challenging, it seems. While there were several great guesses -- seriously, had we not been there and taken the picture, you could easily have sold us on it being at the Meadowlark -- no one recognized the water closet in question as belonging to the Rackhouse Pub. Understandable -- the joint is still rather new. That said, this week's loo has been around quite a while longer. As promised last week, in deference to the fairer sex, this one was snapped by one of our esteemed female colleagues after an afternoon of pounding shots. Got any guesses?

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Okay, smarty pants, since the inaugural edition of Guess Where I'm Peeing was clearly too easy -- someone guessed correctly less than an hour after the snapshot was posted -- we thought we'd make the next installment a little more difficult. Can you guess where we're taking a leak this week? Any clue where this tidy urinal is located? Recognize it? What's your best guess? Is it a suburban strip mall hideaway, or some well kept yet non-descipt watering hole in LoDo? Hmm...

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Welcome to our newest, most tasteless feature, wherein we sneak photos of stalls in various venues/nightspots around town while the other occupants of the bathrooms look at us suspiciously. And then you guess where we are in the comments.

We begin with the inviting and colorful shit-canister you see above. A few things worth noting:

1. The toilet in the stall to the right of this one has no seat.
2. That's not all paint on the floor.
3. Someone has put a bumper sticker inside the bowl. Just think about the application process there.
4. That's not our pee. That's a present, maybe from the same person who puked on the floor.