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Excess—that's what I love about the Palace Arms. And not just plain excess. Not cheap, tawdry, modern excess but classy, well-aged and dignified excess. The kind of excess that almost demands you don an ascot and monocle before partaking. And yet, there is no credit check at the door, no top-hat-and-tails requirement, no sign: YOU MUST BE THIS RICH TO RIDE THIS RIDE...

Which is, more or less, the only reason I was let through the door for this week's review of the Palace Arms at the Brown Palace. Seriously, who would have thought a guy like me would ever be let in a place where some of the appetizers sell for $500 -- an ounce? And forget just being let in: Who would have thought I'd end up having a favorite table?

Anyway, that's what's in store in this week's Cafe review, along with my restaurant critic's letter to Santa. On tap this year? Christmas wishes for everyone -- including Bobby Flay, PETA, the state legislature, Continuum East/West and, of course, me. -- Jason Sheehan

Like any American chef (current or former), I've had a love/hate relationship with France for a long time. Before I knew enough to know better, I hated the country for producing some of the white-toqued, chain-smoking, red-faced bastards who trained me -- guys who bigfooted their way through the kitchen, who thought the appropriate punishment for almost any transgression was a hot spatula across the back of the hand or neck. I hated the fuckers for their snobbery, for their presumption of infallibility. And I hated their food because it was just so...right.

Coming up in this week's Cafe review: bad service, worse snails and some wrong-headed inspiration. A series of unfortunate experiences at Brasserie Ten Ten lead me to question not only my tastes and my choice in careers, but my faith in both God and French cuisine.

All this, plus my usual ranting and raving, a mean joke told at the expense of those suffering from Parkinson's Disease and news about what's going to be done with MTV's Real World house. Here's a hint: It's not being made into a cultural museum. -- Jason Sheehan

But I've been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. And while I'm thinking hard, I can't think of any place other than Denver that could give birth to something like Cowbobas...

To find out more about robots and why I love the combination cowboy steakhouse and Vietnamese boba tea shop, return to this page tomorrow — or grab a copy of Westword hot off the press. -- Jason Sheehan