High on Tacos

Categories: Sheehan (RIP)

It seems that a couple with a jones for tacos (and obviously no taste whatsoever) got the ultimate happy meal last month when they found a bag of weed kindly tucked in with their takeout order from Del Taco at 5240 South Wadsworth Boulevard.

Now, did this fine, upstanding couple weep with joy? Did they count themselves fortunate that the dope fairy had chosen to smile on them in their hour of need? Did they immediately call me and tell me of the best buy one/get one free take-away deal in the city?

No. They called the cops! Can you believe that? Way to spit in the face of providence, folks. Way to make yourselves a punchline.

Now, granted, I can’t imagine what possessed employee Dennis Klermund (who was later busted for possession of both marijuana and paraphernalia, and also lost his job) to ditch his weed in this couple’s bag. If it was the old “freak out the squares by dosing their tacos” gag, let me say for once and for all that this trick is never as funny in reality as it is from inside the cloud of pot smoke where it is conceived. If it was one of those “Quick! Ditch the weed because here comes Dwayne the anal-retentive manager!” moments, then I would think that Klermund would’ve been smart enough to choose any-fucking-where else to stash his stash.

But then, according to police reports, this was a guy who was keeping his weed in his backpack. In his locker. At Del Taco. So maybe counting on his wits and native intelligence would not be a smart bet to start.

Was it accidental? I can barely imagine a scenario where this is plausible. Maybe if he had the bag in his shirt pocket, had the take-out bag set on the floor and had to bend over to tie his shoe…I don’t know, but it seems highly unlikely.

Being a science-minded man, I'm going to have to go with Occam’s Razor here and say that Klermund is, obviously, the physical manifestation of the weed fairy here on earth -- flitting about the town and delivering free dope to all the good boys and girls in need. In this case, he made a miscalculation on his naughty-and-nice list,sure. But then again, he is the weed fairy, after all. I can understand how the little fella might get a bit confused now and then. -- Jason Sheehan


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