Sandra Lee's ten worst dessert disasters
Love her or hate her, everyone will admit that Sandra Lee, the queen of Food Network's Semi-Homemade domain, has made some seriously shitty food. 
Semi-scary with Sandra Lee
We dug up her ten best dessert failures to share with you, along with some reader comments from the Food Network's recipe site. If you have an aversion to canned frosting, or are easily offended by poorly executed religious edibles...you've been warned.
You know you're in trouble when one of the ingredients in the recipe is already a fully formed dessert. Here, the primary ingredient is an entire frozen apple pie. Which you bake. And then smash up between sheets of puff pastry dough that you also have to bake. Throw in some cream cheese combined with Cool Whip and you've got yourself a super crappy dessert. But at least it took several hours to make!
Best comment: "This was a disaster from start to finish. Midway through I just thought to myself 'what ARE you doing?'"
Sandra often starts with good intentions, but like Tommy Boy and his little pet there's a moment where any potential prettiness gets stuffed and smothered and decorated into an ugly '70s centerpiece. This one starts innocently enough, with a decorative wreath made of crescent rolls, but when she fills them with both almond paste AND jam, your teeth start to hurt. But she keeps right on going with a gooey glaze, which not only pushes this into sugar-coma territory but utterly obliterates any detail of a wreath she has going. Sugared cherries are the suggested garnish, just in case you had any spare insulin lazing about.
Best comment: "My best friend Colleen made this for our weekly card club. She said she spent hours on it to get it just right with the icing and all. I didn't have the heart to tell her how thrown together and cheap it tasted, but there was another newer member who did just that."
Polenta? Check. Thyme? Check. Parmesan cheese? Check. The only thing missing now is a quarter cup of delicious white chocolate chips.
Best comment: "Maybe I never realized I don't care for thyme before I made this recipe. I do keep it in the cupboard. It was just such a harshly bitter contrast to the sweet smooth harmony created by the rest of the dish. I would try this again without the thyme."
Yes, clearly the thyme was the culprit.
#7: Single Layer Birthday Cake
File this one under confusing props. This recipe calls for "2 old fashioned soda bottles, 1 cola, 1 lemon-lime." After baking two cake layers (from a mix, natch) you take one of them, cut a hole in the middle of it, dump an entire can of frosting on it, then insert one of the bottles into the hole. Why? Apparently even the food photographers on staff couldn't figure it out, because the cake pictured is without a soda bottle center.
Best comment: "Having just watched the show this recipe is listed for, I am rather confused. On the episode, Sandra uses a store bought torte, which she ices, then lets a child sprinkle the jimmies on. I saw nothing about soda bottles."
You know any recipe that starts off with FIVE cans of frosting is going to be a winner. It should also be noted that the ingredient list calls for eight to 12 unfrosted cupcakes. Y'know, the extra ones you have in your cupboard next to the flour. The instructions go on to detail a cake construction that includes six different food colorings and extracts, dowels, ribbons, and a hot glue gun. All this for what is basically a cake decorated with cupcakes. Oh, and edible flowers. Because Sandy is classy like that.
Best comment: "All of Sandra Lee's cakes are insane, but this is one of the craziest. The cake is tied to the plate. This is not a recipe, it is assembly instructions. Instead of her worthless tablescape segment, maybe she should show us simple semi-homemaders how to serve this sticky, dripping, tied to the plate construction."
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