The Ten Worst Burger Ideas Ever
Ah, the burger. Labor Day grilling tradition, force of good and ease in the American diet. We take you for granted, burger. We assume that because you are a national culinary treasure that you are also unassailable, that you can be toyed with--unmercifully at times--and that you'll still come out perfect.
But it is, in the end, we who are imperfect, o burger. Arrogant. Thankless. How have we screwed with thee? Let us count the ways. And then, forgive us our trespasses.
Sometimes bad ideas come with good intentions. This 1980s McDonald's campaign didn't fail so much because the burger was especially bad (by McDonald's standards, mind you), but because the packaging was an environmental nightmare. The whole "keep the hot hot, keep the cool cool" strategy didn't exactly work either -- the steam from the hot side tended to wilt the cool side in short order. Perhaps the biggest problem with this campaign, though? George Constanza (Jason Alexander) singing its praises as some sort of comically-hip hamburger Pied Piper.
9. In 'n' Out's 100x100
Can you really fault a restaurant for the idiocy of its patrons? Is it really In'n'Out Burger's fault that someone got the bright idea to take the California chain up on their offer to let customers choose how many meat and cheese pairs they want on their burger? Yes. It absolutely is. At meetings, we call this "enabling."
8. Frozen Microwavable White Castle Cheeseburgers
Any burger -- hell, any anything -- that can be described as both "frozen" and "microwavable" can also fairly be described as "awful." This is one of those products that should -- by law, and enforced by angry Midwesterners with bats -- have a label that says "Warning: While this product may visually resemble the product it is attempting to replicate, it in no other way will remind you of said product, and may in fact damage long-term memories of the original. Eat with caution. And maybe a dash of shame."