The 10 Most Pointless Christmas Foods

For the most part, Christmas is a time full of really good stuff to eat -- from the fancy (Christmas dinner with all the trimmings) to the simple (cookies). But there are some foods and drinks that just don't make sense anymore -- they belong to a different time, in which their original role made sense but does no longer. Or they've been neutered to the point of uselessness. Or, you know, we just sort of realized over time that they suck.

10. Egg Nog without Liquor

What a shame. Egg Nog without alcohol is like people on airplanes who drink Bloody Mary mix. Why do you do that? You're just taking someone else's Bloody Mary away from them. Just ask for tomato juice and stop pretending to be a grown up.

9. Goose

Goose? Charles Dickens has been dead a long time, man. If it ain't pâté, no thanks. Actually, even then.

8. Sugarplums

Not actually a plum at all, but a sugar-coated ball of fruit and anise seed the general size and shape of a plum, sometimes suspended from a wire for edible decoration. So, really, really shitty licorice on a string? I don't want visions of that dancing in my head, thanks.

7. Black-Eyed Peas

Usually a New Year's thing more than a Christmas thing, sure, but it's in the same week, and I'm not doing a "Worst New Years Foods" piece. Anyway, eating black-eyed peas is supposed to bring you good luck, but why do all good-luck traditions depend on crappy tasting food? Can't we have good-luck chocolate bars or something? Seriously, someone needs to think ahead on these things.

6. Wassail

There's a certain charm to enjoying the palatable delights of ages past -- that is, until you actually taste the stuff, and begin to truly appreciate the blessings of advancements in brew-making over the years. In short: there's a reason why the word "assail" is in there.