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The List

RIP: A dozen dead (or almost-dead) soft drinks

By Teague Bohlen, Tue., Mar. 2 2010 @ 11:17AM
Comments (23)
Categories: The List

OK Cola2.jpg
​
Soda, like most everything else in the world, has a lifespan. Some sodas live long and prosper, while others die and fade away (or, as is true of a few on this list, end up in the bargain section at Walmart).

This list is devoted to those drinks that quenched our thirst, kept us awake, and allowed us to be as high as a person can legally get on caffeine and sugar. Bless you, dead soft drinks. Thank you for your many gifts. And rest in peace.

Crystal Pepsi.jpg
​
12. Crystal Pepsi
Right now, people all around the world are seeing their colas the way cola is meant to be seen. Right now, Van Halen is drinking something decidedly non-sodaish while wondering if they should do another reunion tour. Right now would be a good time to watch an old ad on YouTube. Because right now, Crystal Pepsi does not exist.

11. Teem
Teem was Pepsi's lemon-lime response to the growing popularity of Coke's recent introduction, Sprite, in 1964. It stumbled along until 1984, when Slice took over (probably by decree of Winston Smith), and relegated Teem to South American countries, where, like Nazi war criminals, old sodas apparently go to retire.

10. Hubba Bubba
A soft-drink that tastes like bubble gum! How could it go wrong? Well, lots of ways, actually. For one, it was too kid-focused, which meant that its audience was significantly smaller than most sodas. More importantly, it induced the irresistible urge to chew and blow bubbles in most users, which was frankly disgusting and very messy.

Kick.jpg
​
9. Kick
This mid-90s creation was doomed from the start with an ad campaign that tried way, way to hard to be "xtreme." It referred to itself as the "psycho nitro drink in a can," which is sort of like your grandma calling her apple cobbler "wicked awesome." I mean, she can say that, and you'll probably let it slide, but there's going to be some undeniable patronizing involved.

8. Orbitz
Little balls of gelatin suspended in fruit-flavored non-carbonated sugar water? Yeah, how in the world did this not catch on? There are a lot of things I wouldn't want floating in my drink, and little balls are definitely one of them.

Jostalogo.jpg
​
7. Josta
A guarana-based soft drink? Doesn't sound that great, but Josta definitely had its followers. Probably had something to do with the fact that guarana is an energy-boost, with approximately twice the caffeine of coffee, so addiction is probably a factor. But whatever--Josta was discontinued in 1999 (only four years after its introduction) due to a "change in corporate strategy." In other words, they couldn't translate the Josta name, the reference to guarana, or the jungle cat on the logo into something people wanted to drink.

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Comments (23)

JDH says:

If you were Scottish, Teague, you'd be lamenting a soft drink more awesome than all 12 of these combined (a diabetic nightmare waiting to happen, I know). If you ever find a can of Creamola Foam, pay whatever they're asking to sample it. Skeptical? Well here's the kicker: Creamola Foam is the soda that comes as a powder.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 11:38AM
Schmitty says:

no Rondo (The thirst crusher)?

IIRC - the ad campaign centered on it's lighter carbonation - so you could slam it.

Loved it as a kid.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 11:49AM
Liz says:

What about Canfields Chocolate Fudge soda? My parents always had it around when we were kids, but it was diet so we weren't allowed to drink it. I haven't seen it in years.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 12:33PM
For the record says:

Fanta competed with Grapette/Orangette, and I hope it's not gone yet. Tooth rot from sugar worked much slower than that awesome (to a 12-year-old) sugar buzz.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 1:45PM
AJ says:

Ugggh I remember Crystal Pepsi,it tasted like a cross between cheap club soda,seltzer water and nail polish remover,truly one of the worst ideas in the history of food marketing right up there with New Coke,I also remember always seeing the for Crystal Pepsi on the old Ben Stiller show on Fox,or maybe I just miss the old Ben Stiller show on Fox and 120 minutes on MTV,also The Bubblegum soda was rad,us preteens went crazy over that shit,then poof it was gone!!!

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 2:26PM
denver gal says:

you missed aspen - the apple drink that had caffeine. that thing was wonderful. not too tart, not too sweet.

much better than jones green apple. clear too so you wouldn't get tooth stains.

however, i can say a 6 pack of that in 1 day would wire you majorly...

perhaps the fault was that it was ahead of its times.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 3:08PM
Jess Woods says:

I never got to see one of those clear Pepsis, were they only available in certain states??

Jess
www.anonymous-web.es.tc

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 7:38PM
Espen Forsland says:

i think sUrge is still going strong in norway, if not its just really really close.. they removed the S though.. http://www.ccdn.no/kundeportal/images/prod_urge.jpg

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 8:02PM
dmax says:

You missed Dr. X, which I drank more than a few times in the late 70s in southern Louisiana. It was good, and had a gimmick:

If left to sit, the multiple flavors (4?) separated out with a light raspberry first, finishing with the denser vanilla on the bottom. Or you could shake it and mix em, if you were an idiot.

With a bit of Googling you can find faint hints that it existed, like the can photo.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 8:09PM
jake says:

I had Moxie once and the only thing I can liken it to would be a mix of every major "fountain soda". Just go right down the line the next time you're at a fast food chain and you'll see. As a kid I liked moxie, probably for the same reasons I liked kiwis (the fruit) - they were way different than other fruits and were relatively rare in our household.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 8:24PM
Melissa says:

Kick was around way before the mid-90s - at least the mid-80s if not earlier.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 8:30PM
Budda Magoo says:

I remember how I had a passion for Shasta Creme Soda when I was a kid. It was the color of a golden ale. Does anyone else remember the original RC cola? It was a major seller in the Southern U.S., I wonder if it's still around.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 8:41PM
Josh says:

Teague, from your review it's obvious that you missed out on the firsthand experience of the liquid joy of #7. I'm sorry for you, friend!

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 8:46PM
Anonymous Comment says:

Actually Grapette is still around in Guatemala for sure, made with real sugar and everything.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 9:02PM
Jerry says:

Guarana is extremely popular in Brazil. It is second only to Coke.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 9:12PM
Anonymous says:

Rc cola is still around in ms at least. Saw a bottle of it 2 days ago. I was surprised when it caught my eye!

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 9:15PM
Draegs says:

What about "Mr. Green" I'm pretty sure it was from dr. pepper. I just remember it had a lizard on the can and boasted the fact that it had ginseng in it. I loved that stuff. Too bad it too is apparently in South Africa.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 9:32PM
G says:

Ahhh, Moxie. In high school we used it to simulate "hooch" in theatre productions due to the kick. On our honeymoon in Maine, my lovely bride and I discovered a seafood restaurant that made both cocktails and entrees with the stuff. Yum.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 9:40PM
Philippine Real Estate Owner says:

Moxie! SO it was a soda. I used to play this game called Kingdom of loathing and they have this substat called Moxie. "Moxie" is somewhat related to how suave your character is.

Posted On: Tuesday, Mar. 2 2010 @ 10:06PM
Sara says:

RC Cola is at the Wal-Marts up here in Michigan. We also have Towne Club and Faygo, which I think are only available here. Faygo is amazing. I'll miss it when I move to Florida in a few weeks.

Posted On: Wednesday, Mar. 3 2010 @ 6:52AM
Dana Cline says:

I remember Aspen came out soon after we moved to Denver in 1980, but it only lasted a year or so and wasn't available nationwide.

The one I miss the most is Delaware Punch - grew up drinking those. They were kind of like Hawaiian Punch but grapier.

Posted On: Wednesday, Mar. 3 2010 @ 2:37PM
Nat says:

A short life, sadly: Coke Black.
Also, a sad substitute that could do in an awful pinch, like with no soda machines for miles around: Cola-flavored Fizzies

Posted On: Thursday, Mar. 4 2010 @ 2:04AM
elliot Gainway says:

A couple other Soda's that are long gone:

Red Baby - Basically canned Shirly Temple
The Pop Shoppe - Assorted flavors purchased by the case at a soda factory in Wheat Ridge.

Posted On: Saturday, Mar. 6 2010 @ 5:38PM

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