Twinkie, twinkie, little star, here are five ways to show how good you are

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While Michelle Obama concentrates on obesity reform, I'm focusing on the five most fat-inducing, artery-clogging concoctions ever prepared by man using the Twinkie as a not-so secret ingredient.

And they are:

1. The "Twinkie stuffed hot dog." This dog is grilled, then placed in a cut Twinkie with a large dollop of Cheez Wiz over the top.

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2. For Thanksgiving, the pumpkin/Twinkie turkey mold is the perfect thing to serve the vegetarians at your table. To create this monstrosity, take a jello mold, a quart can of processed pumpkin and a gutted Twinkie, and combine.

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3. If you're into mass produced "cream" filled pastries without pasties -- for example, a Hostess Cupcake, Suzy Q, or even Brian Boitano -- ghetto sushi is right up your alley. All you need is a two-pack Twinkie snack from 7/Eleven and some Gummi worms to make these delicacies.

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4. Instead of taking a drunken, 2 a.m. run to Taco Bell, run for this waistline-busting, border-breaking Twinkie burrito. It's also a great winter party food -- when it's cold outside, your guests can keep warm with sides of pico de gallo and salsa.


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5. Vegans have long wanted to enjoy the sensual seduction of these cream-filled delights. Well, now their wait is over with the new-age Twinkie. It's filled with so much organic goodness that even a Boulder mother would approve: organic unbleached flour, organic soy milk, filtered water, organic evaporated cane juice, canola oil, organic apple cider vinegar, organic vanilla extract, baking soda, baking powder, salt. As for the filling, that's organic confectioner's sugar, Earth Balance Buttery Sticks, organic soy milk, and Earth Balance Shortening.

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Take that, Michelle Obama.



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