Top ten reasons why the King Soopers at 14th and Speer is still sketchy -- even after a makeover

Categories: The List

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A Flickr photo
When the King Soopers at 1331 Speer Boulevard went through a major remodel ten months ago, the overall shopping experience definitely improved. But there's still a resounding sketchiness to the place. Herewith, ten proof positive examples:

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10. I never see the same deli employee twice, despite going there both at regular and irregular intervals. What happens to them at the end of the shift? I don't know, but it makes me look at the roast beef very, very carefully.

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9. The 45-year-old selling candy bars outside the store "to help with my middle school fundraiser."

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8. Large amounts of seafood on the money-saving "Managers Special." Great deal, or Russian Roulette of the bowels?

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7. The new little samples of gourmet cheese? At first, I was thrilled. Then I found a Band-Aid in the sample tray under a piece of Gruyere.

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6. It's only a matter of time before one of those birds always flying around the store shits on your shoulder.

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5. Odds of running into people I don't want to see at the grocery store are astronomical: my bikini waxer, the guy I threw up on after a night at Croc's Mexican Grill, maybe even Ted Haggard. They all seem to magically show up in the parallel checkout lane when the lines are taking forever.

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4. Speaking of checkout lines of biblical proportions, even Moses couldn't part the sea of cranky urbanites that forms at the only two checkout lines open around dinnertime -- ostensibly the time of day when one might expect you to staff the store appropriately, given the increase in traffic.

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3. The sign asking customers to "Please Wait Here to Respect Other Patients Privacy" at the pharmacy is so close to the window that I overheard the questions about anal leakage posed by the person in front of me and the clerks in back giggling about it.

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2. No solid proof yet, but many signs are pointing to "Self Checkout Unit #3" being an evil robot bent on world destruction.

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1. I once saw a small child crouched on the "Damaged Goods, Final Sale" shelves.


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