Gordon Ramsay and MasterChef season two want to abuse you...but first you've got to make the cut

Hell hath no fury like Gordon Ramsay scorned

Are you an amateur kitchen wizard? Do you have the chops to run your own restaurant? More important, how do you feel about Gordon Ramsay, the acerbic, deafeningly insulting, tantrum-prone, foul-mouthed, red-faced, in-your-face beast who brings his smoldering hot temper to the Fox TV airwaves?

If you think you can handle Ramsay's fire, clear your calendar on Saturday, December 11, because that's the day that Denver cooking hobbyists (if you're a professional, suck it) can audition for season two of MasterChef, the Fox reality TV show that takes wide-eyed, quaking hopefuls through the terror of Ramsay's kitchen for the opportunity to open their own restaurant and win a shitload of coinage -- oh, and the MasterChef title. Whether you still have your dignity intact when it's all said and done is another matter.

But I digress.

If you have the balls to try out, here are the details:

Show up between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. at the Art Institute of Colorado, 675 South Broadway, with the twelve-page application, available at www.masterchefcasting.com, a mug shot of yourself and one room-temperature dish to be served to an esteemed panel of judges: cookbook author JoAnn Cianciulli, Los Angeles chef Neal Fraser and Edible Los Angeles editor Lucy Lean. You've got to bring your own utensils, too, a video if you want to stand out among the other plebes, and a winning personality -- you know, like Ramsay's.

You can find complete details at masterchefcasting.com/howtoapply.