Ten beers to stop drinking at age thirty

Categories: Booze News

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Cheap beer.

It's a libation that most of us down during our late teens and twenties. But like all childish things, there comes a time to banish these cheap cans and brands forever. We argued over which beers should and shouldn't be included on this list, but we eventually came to a consensus. Herewith, are top ten cheap beers to ditch when you reach the big 3-0.

Disclaimer: Eschewing these brews and then becoming a beer snob is perhaps the most reprehensible of acts. Just order your beer and drink it.

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10. Natural Light
There's a lot of resentment, bitterness and cringe-inducing memories related to the beers on the list, but in defense of Natural Light, it's mostly a watery beer that one can drink a good six of before really feeling good about himself. It's a beer to start off with if you're already involved in a good rotation of getting drunk every other day. And if you're getting drunk every other day and older than thirty, there are all kinds of twelve-step programs for you. This is not to say that you can't indulge in some Natty Light during company slow-pitch softball games, with friends while watching the NFL, or even in the back of the room during your son's Cub Scout meetings.
-- Nick Lucchesi

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Image Via Flickr
9. Stroh's
Stroh's was swill, pure swill -- and this was the opinion of a guy who liked Milwaukee's Best. The stuff tasted like it was mashed with gym shorts and "fire-brewed" in hell. But when the company came out with the thirty-pack (it may have been the first to do so, although I'm not positive), Stroh's gained the love of teenagers everywhere who could now take "thirty friends" to the party for the price of 24.
-- Jonathan Shikes

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8. Olympia
"It's the water" is printed on every can of this once-Northwestern brew that's often found at the bottom of the menu for around $2 or $3 at a bar. And I can speak from immediate experience (last night), that you can drink Olympia all night and not feel too incredibly hungover the next morning -- that is, if you can actually stand to drink Olympia all night. But whatever's in the water seems to work, even if the"Olympia" brand is actually brewed by SABMiller in California.
-- Nick Lucchesi

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7. Meister Brau
Meister Brau holds a special place in my heart, if not in my head. It was one of the first beers I drank in mass quantities. Cheap and easy to come by, it's charm ended there as Meisterbrau tasted like the floor of a concert venue smells. In fact, even fresh from the can, it tasted like it was a day -- or a month old. Thankfully, Meister Brau doesn't appear to be on the shelves anymore, so my head and my nostalgia are both safe. (Beer Advocate gives this brew an "F")
-- Jonathan Shikes

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"Hurry up and take the picture! This beer tastes like pee!"
6. Hamm's
When I was in college in California twenty years ago, six-packs of Hamm's cost $2.02 at the divey little liquor store near campus -- whether you had a fake I.D. or not. My friend and I would often begin our weekend by driving to the store and stacking up ten to twelve six-packs, loading them into our arms and carrying them out. A buzz from Hamm's came quickly, but the taste was somewhat, uh, bad. Which is why it was one of the only beers that I sometimes did a shot of tequila after drinking, rather than the other way around.
-- Jonathan Shikes

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74 comments
orenthal777
orenthal777

Do these beers stop getting you drunk at 30 or is it because you have to put airs on your alcoholism? Yuppie scum.


davelikesfish
davelikesfish

I'm glad you didn't put Schlitz on the list. I love that beer. Tastes just like the 60's.

Ross X. Wobble
Ross X. Wobble

Olympia is on there and not PBR? They are the same beer

Kelly Lemieux
Kelly Lemieux

we're all suppose to be rich by 30 so we can buy the nice stuff? You guys are republicans or something...

Mike Reay
Mike Reay

You idiots are using an old Avery beast grand Cru label to represent Milwaukee's best. Disgracing an amazing beer

Matt McMullin
Matt McMullin

Remember there are no bad beers only better ones. But the 8.9# Steel was pretty hard to get down.

Ben Rodriguez
Ben Rodriguez

Fuck you guys. PBR is cheap and taste good. You stereotyping assholes...

Justin Oliver
Justin Oliver

No thanks, I'll keep drinking my $6.99 Lost Lake 12 pack. #Bummin

Brian Mosbey
Brian Mosbey

yeah, no one should be drinking those beers...ever!

Helena 'Lani' Rasor
Helena 'Lani' Rasor

I feel better in knowing that I don't believe I have ever had a single one of these beers.

Grant Israel
Grant Israel

fuck that shit. beer is beer... crafted esoteric sours or barrel aged barley wines are good for one thing... shitty utilitly beer is good for another. its beer. Shutup and drink it.

ColoradoShu
ColoradoShu

You could pretty much lump all Coors, Bud, Miller and Busch products in this category. 

Embarrassingly tasteless mass consumption offerings brewed and marketed to folks still impressed by Swanson's fried chicken and Ellio's frozen pizza. 

Theo Jason Hill
Theo Jason Hill

Saw some guy in his 40's buying some Old English 40's the other day. I might have thrown up in my mouth a little bit.

Brent Boland
Brent Boland

Agree to disagree. I will take a Hamms or an Oly over the "ever so hip" PBR any day....... Of course PBR should have made this list too..... Damn.

Karen Erickson
Karen Erickson

Isn't Grain Belt still out there? That's GOT to be on the list.

ryanreyes.email
ryanreyes.email

Are you seriously using an image of Avery's BEAST Grand Cru to represent Milwaukee's Best? That's Busch League, man....

Mark Arnold
Mark Arnold

Coors, Keystone and Stag are the only ones I've ever heard of and none have passed my lips. God bless Philly's brew scene and great beer culture.

Doug Goldman
Doug Goldman

Got Hamm's in my basement fridge right now- it's my current "lawn mowing" beer.

Craig C Thomas
Craig C Thomas

Now THAT is a true public service message.... although I do have to admit getting nostalgic at Hamm's lighted beer signs, not that I would ever drink it of course.

Bengy Martinez
Bengy Martinez

Those are all Nasty and shouldn't even be in the beer category! barf!

Ben Prange
Ben Prange

Steel Reserve is the best bang for your buck, though. The liquor store I used to work at had 24oz cans for 99 cents...three of those and you'll forget your name.

Scott Petrovits
Scott Petrovits

You might think that by age 30, one would also outgrow this type of judgmental idiocy. I guess it's too late for the author to develop good writing, too.

Christopher Conner
Christopher Conner

There are 12 when you include Rolling Rock and PBR. Pairs well with urinal cake and a cigarette butt candle on your 30th birthday.

Mary Montaño
Mary Montaño

the only ones in my youth, presented here....:Keystone light an ice, godawful natural light......Old milwaukee....steel reserve (puke! literally, repeatedly)....I think you left out Hurricane forties as well, lol. I am now thirty and am proud to say I haven't touched that shit from the ages of fourteen to 23:)

Chris Varner
Chris Varner

What's with the picture of Avery Beast in this article? Whoever wrote this article didn't do their homework. Avery does not brew swill!

Tanya Friesen
Tanya Friesen

Haven't ever tasted most of these...hmmm. 2/10

mike1963
mike1963

Lucky Lager was pretty much pisswater as well

Keloid
Keloid

Mickeys....and Boxer 40s. That is all.

overfiend1976
overfiend1976

Any cheap, crap beers at all should never be consumed at any age.

GFTW
GFTW

Pretty much right on on all of them.

LmtdLC2
LmtdLC2

Bud Light and Heineken should be the first beers on the list.  This list is about "my grandfather drank these 40 years ago and all my friends think they're uncool beers."  So on the list they go.  Reality; a lot of these are solid beers that don't cost a lot.  More reality; a lot of beers that sell well and are not cheap, are not good beers and not on this list. The author is an idiot.

davelikesfish
davelikesfish

@Helena 'Lani' Rasor I've had them all and lived to tell about it. Don't worry I'm not having children.

davelikesfish
davelikesfish

@Craig C Thomas I'm pretty sure Hamms is not made the same as it used to be. Used to drink it on 5 cent beer night many moons ago.

BackOffImStarving
BackOffImStarving topcommenter

Says the d-bag who doesn't know how to use a semicolon correctly.  Enjoy your can of Lost Lake *gag*.

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