A Hooters deal that really flies on Valentine's Day

Will you be my Valentine?

It's 11:30 a.m. on Valentine's Day, and I am the only patron at Hooters, that mammary mecca on Parker Road. With a big beer in front of me and a server with cleavage to match, I inquire about today's special. It's all about the wings: buy ten boneless or traditional wings, and you get ten free.

The chain is selling it with this slogan: "Forget the ring, and bring her in for wings."

"Just because we don't have a violin player and overpriced wine, does not mean Hooters isn't a great place for Valentine's Day," said Mike McNeil, the vice president of marketing for Hooters of America LLC, in announcing the deal. "Valentine's day is about love, and what is not to love about free Hooters wings?"

Fortunately, you do not have to bring in a date to get the deal today.

Solo, I order ten of the Hot and ten of the Cajun as my loving treat to myself. Connie, my adorable server, brings my nuggets of love as well as another giant beer with the bright orange Hooters name emblazoned across the top, just as it is on Connie's shirt -- in case I forget where I am.

The ten Cajun nuggets are misshaped forms of fowl mixed with a spice I cannot put my finger on: lots of pepper, parsley and maybe even cloves. I'm having no better luck getting my stained digits on my server. While avoiding my grasp, Connie sets the other ten wings in front of me. These Hot wings are the same color as her shorts, orange, and as tepid as the response from the last woman I asked out for a Valentine's Day date. The sauce tastes like red hot sauce from a discount outlet store mixed with equal parts room-temperature margarine.

By now it is noon, and the store has filled up with a bunch of lonely lunch lads. As each looks longingly towards his table-top temptress, he nods in appreciation of the fact that all he's paying for today is his meal -- and he might even get ten free wings as a token of Hooters' love. That's a deal that's not going to disappoint.

And it's definitely cheaper than buying jewelry at Sears.