The Sowbionese Liberation Army issues more ransom demands for the return of Euclid Hall's pig mascot

pigtutu.jpg
Anonymous
What, no pink ballet flats?

The demands from the pig pluckers, who ran off with Euclid Hall's pig mascot last Sunday during EatDenver's The Big Eat, have risen -- and they keep getting more and more hilarious.

Initially, the ransom note called for five servings of bone marrow and five fine whiskeys to be placed on a table near the door of the restaurant at precisely 5 p.m. on Sunday; it also insisted on sponge baths from head chef Jorel Pierce, the occasion of which would take place at a later date. Later, the cartel pressed for a rubber ducky.

And now the requirements from the Sowbionese Liberation Army -- the group behind the piggy heist -- have escalated, while some of the demands have been withdrawn (at least they're willing to negotiate).

Seems the 5 p.m. time slot wasn't agreeable to the Euclid crew: "We're awfully busy on Sundays, not sure we can get another 5 top in the door - especially dressed in camo," wrote a commenter named "Kids in the Hall," a reader who we assume is a Euclid Hall teacher or student.

In response to that note, the Sowbionese Liberation Army had this retort:

Kids in the Hall,

Since you cannot serve us @ 5PM, we demand to be served @ 3PM. Because of the time change, more demands must be met. We will pardon Jorel of the sponge baths, however, he must serve our table wearing a tutu. We still want a rubber duckie on the table as our centerpiece.

Remember Piggy Hearst!!!!

No funny stuff,

The Sowbionese Liberation Army

Jorel in a tutu. At least he gets to choose his own color -- for now.

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kids in the Hall
kids in the Hall

Are you sure you have that spelled correctly? We think it's the Sow BEAN A Knees Liberation Army. We're having a tough time hearing the demands over the constant Squeaking noises. BTW, Jorel always wears a tutu on Sundays so no big deal.

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