Exploding melons and the top five dangerous foods
China has a new crop: exploding watermelons. Apparently Chinese farmers trying to fill an increased market demand for watermelons -- it's backyard barbecue season, after all -- hosed down 115 acres of melons with the growth accelerator forchlorfenuron, causing the fruits to randomly combust. The chemical isn't illegal, and it's actually used in the United States on grapes and kiwis, but noob Chinese farmers applied it too late in the growing season -- and that, coupled with heavy rainfall, caused the morphing melons to detonate.
No fatalities have been reported, but I wouldn't want to be the farmer taking a jolly stroll through his watermelon fields when BLAMMO!!! -- there goes a limb. Then again, the culinary world is full of treacherous foods. In the interest of helping you avoid eating your way into a permanent dirt nap, here's our list of the top five dangerous foods.
This infamous blowfish houses lethal amounts of the poison tetrodotoxin, which causes respiratory failure if medical intervention isn't timely. The appeal of eating fugu is obviously the element of danger, and in Japan the few chefs specifically trained to handle fugu go though a three-year certification process in order to serve it without bumping off customers.
But inevitably there are still dipshits who want to chance it with an unlicensed restaurant and chef, and in 2009 seven guys in Japan bought themselves an ambulance ride after doing just that. They all lived, but according to the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare, 803 people were reported with fugu poisoning between 1989 and 2006, and 52 of them bit the big one, begging the question, "Jesus-fish-licking-Christ, why didn't you just hit the drive-thru and get a go*@amn Filet-O-Fish since free trade means that the U.S. is cramming McDoo down your throats, rather than you cramming f@#*ing death fish down yours!?!"1. Nutmeg.
What horrible dangers lurk on the pantry shelves or in the kitchen cabinets? Anyone who has attended a public school for any length of time knows that there are plenty of things to try and get high off of around the house. Smoking banana peels and tea bags, and huffing lighter fluid and paint solvent all seem to be rites of passage for teens and tweeners -- like getting that first grope or dropping out of ninth grade. Nutmeg has the chemical properties to get you high via its highly poisonous essential oil, myristicin, but the more likely result is that anyone not burdened with an abundance of brain will snort a few rails and begin to experience flu-like symptoms and hork up their breakfast burritos in stages.
Why bother? It would be easier to buy a crumpled sandwich baggie of Vicodin from a reputable source at Civic Center Park.