Food Channel's top ten dessert trends for 2011: two out of ten ain't bad


1_dessert_trends_2011.jpg
If you hear it from the Food Channel, then it must be true. This crew's latest list -- of top-ten dessert trends -- includes mass wedding cake genocide, tableside theatrics, Cinnamon Twists from Taco Bell, beer paired with doughnuts, two-fisting nuts (and yes, "two-fisting" is being used as a verb here), cupcakes as nosferatu, an epitaph on how people are maybe greedy bastards or maybe not -- with exactly two accurate, useful trends out of ten.

I suppose that's better than none. Here's what the Food Channel is serving up now, and my response:

egg cream.jpg
Do we really gotta make this bougie?
10. Dessert Theatrics.

Food Channel says: "We've had the tableside prep of the Caesar salad and the fresh guacamole. It's only natural that this has started to creep across the menu. It began with tableside s'mores, and Brennan's in New Orleans is renowned for its tableside Bananas Foster. Now we're seeing egg creams prepared tableside at Eleven Madison Park in New York."

I'm saying: The Caesar salad and tableside guacamole were real hits in the Harding and Reagan eras, respectively, and getting a salad tossed right in front of you was probably just as exciting as the Teapot Dome scandal, while having your avocados squished before your eyes must have been as thrilling as trickle-down economics. If living in the now means that the simple, Brooklyn-born egg cream with a total of three ingredients has become something that costs more than a couple of bucks and is being served from a Tiffany & Company decanter, then the Obama era is shaping up to have the housing market stabilize and the bougie bubble burst.

ruby tuesday.jpg
Ruby Tuesday sounds like a porn name.
9. A Hint of Floral.

Food Channel says: "We're seeing lavender, especially, with little touches of it in baked goods such as cupcakes and macarons. You can find lavender syrups, and lavender-infused sugars in teas and yogurts served in some restaurants. Even a chain as mainstream as Ruby Tuesday has introduced a new lavender lemon-drop cocktail. Edible flowers, always popular as a garnish, are coming back in vogue as part of the aromatic and flavor experience."

I'm saying: This trend prediction is accurate. But it would take a helluva lot more than a lavender-infused cocktail and a mediocre salad bar to entice me to set foot in a Ruby Tuesday. A team of oxen couldn't drag my ass in there.

Romer Hancockjpg.jpg
Romer and Hancock are being really peachy right now.

8. A Touch of Sweetness All Day Long.


Food Channel says: "This trend is about frequency, not quantity. In tough economic times, we seek to soothe ourselves with small rewards and little luxuries. So it is with desserts. Maybe it's a slice of pastry at breakfast, or fresh organic strawberries added to the oatmeal. At lunch time, we might order the Cinnamon Twists at Taco Bell to cap off our cheesy double-decker taco meal.

"Perhaps we swing by Starbucks for a cake pop afternoon snack. After dinner at home, it might be just a piece of good quality chocolate from Dove or Ghiradelli. Dessert is no longer about death-by-chocolate over-indulgence, it's now about sweet little rewards that help get us through the day."

I'm saying: Bullshit. People getting butt-rodgered by the still puny economy are white-knuckling it and cramming Hostess cakes into their gobs half a box at a time; organic strawberries are too freaking expensive in these "tough economic times" to put in your mouth, let alone a bowl of Quaker oats, and the Cinnamon Twists from Taco Bell have never been and never will be trendy for any reason. And if Dove and Ghiradelli are examples of good-quality chocolate, then the current Denver mayor's race is a good example of two gentlemen engaging in polite, scholarly debate.

vampire cupcakes.jpg
Kill them! Kill them!

7. Desserts in the Raw.

Food Channel says: "Yes, the raw-foods movement has entered the dessert realm. Don't know if the act of biting into a fresh crisp apple could be considered trendy, but how about if it was a raw (uncooked) cupcake? Today you can find raw and vegan versions of cupcakes, cheesecake, ice cream cakes, moon pies, tiramisu and many more. Sure, it's a bit on the fringe side, but it's getting bigger all the time."

I'm saying: Cupcakes are turning into the undead dessert to the point where they should all be decorated with little capes and fangs. Raw cupcakes, huh? This brings to mind images of customers lined up at a dessert counter and a server with a hairy mole and a hairnet coming by with a Tupperware bowl and a spatula and scraping batter across each of their outstretched tongues. Sure, it's a bit on the fringe side, but these Food Channel lists get weirder and weirder all the time.

gluten free.jpg
This IS actually trendy.

6. Whole Grains and No Grains.

Food Channel says: "This is a food trend that's all about health. Whole grains are huge. If you can treat yourself to a satisfying dessert and also get a few g's of fiber, well, that's a win-win. We're seeing brown rice puddings, oatmeal crisp dessert toppings, and pies made with whole-grain crust. On the flip side, there are those who -- due to restricted diets -- need to avoid grains all together. More and more restaurants are accommodating those needs, including on the dessert menu. Gluten-free is found on nearly every menu now -- or will be soon. It's become trendy, even for those with no need to go gluten-free."

I'm saying: This is another accurate trend prediction. Colon-cleansing whole grains are absolutely in vogue, and gluten-free is the new Atkins diet. And for those without actual medical reasons to shun wheat, there will always be the next thing to either load up on or avoid that will pop up somewhere around the moment that T.G.I. Friday's decides it's time to jump on board -- at least a decade from now.

beer donut.jpg
Yeah.......

5. Desserts for Grownups.

Food Channel says: "Call this trend the maturing of America's sweet tooth. We're seeing milkshakes with a splash of rum, wine paired up with gelato, and beer partnered with doughnuts (okay that one's maybe more adolescent than grown-up). Restaurants are also using liquor add-ons to chocolate desserts as a way to boost check averages and offer the guest a little something extra. Want a shot of Baileys in that hot fudge sundae? It's just an extra $2.50."

I'm saying: Are they envisioning doughnuts made with beer, soaked in beer, floating in beer, served alongside beer, or maybe just a doughnut slid onto the neck of a bottle of Bud Light? Any/all of these options could be coming to a trailer park near you, so get dressed. Food Channel would be better off sticking to publicly fellating Eleven Madison Park in New York.

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6 comments
Amr Salah
Amr Salah

I have the pleasure to brief you on our Data Visualization software "Trend Compass".

TC is a new concept in viewing statistics and trends in an animated way by displaying in one chart 5 axis (X, Y, Time, Bubble size & Bubble color) instead of just the traditional X and Y axis. Discover trends hidden in spreadsheets. It could be used in analysis, research, presentation etc. In different business sectors, to name a few we have Deutsche Bank, NBC Universal, RIM,  Vanguard Institutional Investor, Ipsos, Princeton University as our clients.

NBC presentation on TED using Trend Compass exported Videos. Now on CNN Money / Fortune (Dec 21st,2010):http://tech.fortune.cnn.com/20...

The following link is for our new Geographical Trend Compass (Earthquake in Japan - Mag vs Depth vs Time):http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on OPEC oil indicators:http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on Ads Monitoring on TV Satellite Channels during April 2008. Pick Duration (Ads daily duration) vs Repeat (Ads repetition per day).http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on UK Master Card vs Visa performance :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

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Link on other KPIs :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

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This is a project we did with Princeton University on US unemployment :http://www.epicsyst.com/main3....

A 3 minutes video presentation of above by Professor Alan Krueger Bendheim Professor of Economics and Public Affairs at Princeton University and currently Chief Economist at the US Treasury using Trend Compass :http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

You can download a trial version. It has a feature to export EXE,PPS,HTML and AVI files. The most impressive is the AVI since you can record Audio/Video for the charts you create.

http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

All the best.

Amr SalahTrend Compass TeamEpic Systemswww.epicsyst.com

Amr Salah
Amr Salah

I have the pleasure to brief you on our Data Visualization software "Trend Compass".

TC is a new concept in viewing statistics and trends in an animated way by displaying in one chart 5 axis (X, Y, Time, Bubble size & Bubble color) instead of just the traditional X and Y axis. Discover trends hidden in spreadsheets. It could be used in analysis, research, presentation etc. In different business sectors, to name a few we have Deutsche Bank, NBC Universal, RIM,  Vanguard Institutional Investor, Ipsos, Princeton University as our clients.

NBC presentation on TED using Trend Compass exported Videos. Now on CNN Money / Fortune (Dec 21st,2010):http://tech.fortune.cnn.com/20...

The following link is for our new Geographical Trend Compass (Earthquake in Japan - Mag vs Depth vs Time):http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on OPEC oil indicators:http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on Ads Monitoring on TV Satellite Channels during April 2008. Pick Duration (Ads daily duration) vs Repeat (Ads repetition per day).http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on UK Master Card vs Visa performance :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Links on Funds:http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on other KPIs :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on Chile's Earthquake (Feb 27th 2010):http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This a link on weather data :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This is a bank link to compare Deposits, Withdrawals and numbers of Customers for different branches over time ( all in 1 Chart) :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...                

Misc Examples :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This is a project we did with Princeton University on US unemployment :http://www.epicsyst.com/main3....

A 3 minutes video presentation of above by Professor Alan Krueger Bendheim Professor of Economics and Public Affairs at Princeton University and currently Chief Economist at the US Treasury using Trend Compass :http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

You can download a trial version. It has a feature to export EXE,PPS,HTML and AVI files. The most impressive is the AVI since you can record Audio/Video for the charts you create.

http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

All the best.

Amr SalahTrend Compass TeamEpic Systemswww.epicsyst.com

Amr Salah
Amr Salah

I have the pleasure to brief you on our Data Visualization software "Trend Compass".

TC is a new concept in viewing statistics and trends in an animated way by displaying in one chart 5 axis (X, Y, Time, Bubble size & Bubble color) instead of just the traditional X and Y axis. Discover trends hidden in spreadsheets. It could be used in analysis, research, presentation etc. In different business sectors, to name a few we have Deutsche Bank, NBC Universal, RIM,  Vanguard Institutional Investor, Ipsos, Princeton University as our clients.

NBC presentation on TED using Trend Compass exported Videos. Now on CNN Money / Fortune (Dec 21st,2010):http://tech.fortune.cnn.com/20...

The following link is for our new Geographical Trend Compass (Earthquake in Japan - Mag vs Depth vs Time):http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on OPEC oil indicators:http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on Ads Monitoring on TV Satellite Channels during April 2008. Pick Duration (Ads daily duration) vs Repeat (Ads repetition per day).http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on UK Master Card vs Visa performance :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Links on Funds:http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on other KPIs :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on Chile's Earthquake (Feb 27th 2010):http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This a link on weather data :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This is a bank link to compare Deposits, Withdrawals and numbers of Customers for different branches over time ( all in 1 Chart) :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...                

Misc Examples :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This is a project we did with Princeton University on US unemployment :http://www.epicsyst.com/main3....

A 3 minutes video presentation of above by Professor Alan Krueger Bendheim Professor of Economics and Public Affairs at Princeton University and currently Chief Economist at the US Treasury using Trend Compass :http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

You can download a trial version. It has a feature to export EXE,PPS,HTML and AVI files. The most impressive is the AVI since you can record Audio/Video for the charts you create.

http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

All the best.

Amr SalahTrend Compass TeamEpic Systemswww.epicsyst.com

Amr Salah
Amr Salah

I have the pleasure to brief you on our Data Visualization software "Trend Compass".

TC is a new concept in viewing statistics and trends in an animated way by displaying in one chart 5 axis (X, Y, Time, Bubble size & Bubble color) instead of just the traditional X and Y axis. Discover trends hidden in spreadsheets. It could be used in analysis, research, presentation etc. In different business sectors, to name a few we have Deutsche Bank, NBC Universal, RIM,  Vanguard Institutional Investor, Ipsos, Princeton University as our clients.

NBC presentation on TED using Trend Compass exported Videos. Now on CNN Money / Fortune (Dec 21st,2010):http://tech.fortune.cnn.com/20...

The following link is for our new Geographical Trend Compass (Earthquake in Japan - Mag vs Depth vs Time):http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on OPEC oil indicators:http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on Ads Monitoring on TV Satellite Channels during April 2008. Pick Duration (Ads daily duration) vs Repeat (Ads repetition per day).http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on UK Master Card vs Visa performance :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Links on Funds:http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on other KPIs :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

Link on Chile's Earthquake (Feb 27th 2010):http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This a link on weather data :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This is a bank link to compare Deposits, Withdrawals and numbers of Customers for different branches over time ( all in 1 Chart) :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...                

Misc Examples :http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...http://www.epicsyst.com/test/v...

This is a project we did with Princeton University on US unemployment :http://www.epicsyst.com/main3....

A 3 minutes video presentation of above by Professor Alan Krueger Bendheim Professor of Economics and Public Affairs at Princeton University and currently Chief Economist at the US Treasury using Trend Compass :http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

You can download a trial version. It has a feature to export EXE,PPS,HTML and AVI files. The most impressive is the AVI since you can record Audio/Video for the charts you create.

http://epicsyst.com/trendcompa...

All the best.

Amr SalahTrend Compass TeamEpic Systemswww.epicsyst.com

GFTW
GFTW

"Desserts in the Raw / Desserts for Grownups"

I am very disappointed that neither of these is actually eating desserts off of nude female bodies.

Jennifoodie
Jennifoodie

And that would be more awesome and less nutty than the things they had on the actual list.

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