The ten most unfortunate food and drink allergies

Categories: The List

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Welcome to In the Weeds. Kyle will be right with you -- most likely to complain about something. Usually he is pleasant, but this is his place to blow off some steam. Don't take it personally; he just needs to vent because he's been doing this for about thirteen years. Enjoy your meal.

I'm probably dooming myself by saying this, but I'm allergic to allergies.

So far, though, I haven't suffered from allergies -- which is lucky, because I love food and eat it on an almost hourly basis. As a non-sufferer, I'm probably not as sensitive to allergies as I should be, and am admittedly annoyed when waiting on people with a laundry list of food allergies.

In an effort to better sympathize with allergy sufferers and bring light to their plight, I've done some study, and come up with the ten most unfortunate food and drink allergies:

10. Seeds: I could easily eliminate seeds from my diet without noticing -- if not for baseball. Sitting at a baseball game without sunflower seeds is like watching a baseball game without beer -- possible, but highly inadvisable. If a seedless baseball game is your reality, have an extra beer to ease the pain. (On a side note, Spitz Dill Pickle are the best sunflower seeds available, hands down)

9. Meat: It's fine, even admirable, if you choose not to eat meat, but to have that decision made for you is simply cruel. I hope those who are allergic to meat developed the affliction later in life, so that they were able to enjoy at least one delicious Porterhouse that wasn't followed by rashes and a swollen throat.

8. Blueberries: This super food is packed with Vitamin C, fiber and manganese, and if it makes you sick to eat it, you might be struck with a bigger malady. The amazing levels of antioxidants in blueberries kill free radicals, which are linked to the development of cancer. Blueberries are also very high in deliciousness.

7. Garlic: Channeling Jerry Seinfeld here. Anytime anyone says, "Ooh, this is so good, what's in this?," the answer invariably comes back: garlic. It makes everything better. It also has a number of health benefits that help battle cancer, diabetes and heart disease. For other ways garlic can help fine-tune your body, I'll refer you to our friends at Best-Herpes-Treatments.com. (And if you claim to understand how Google determines its search results, then explain why that site is the fourth-highest result when googling "garlic health benefits.")

6. Chocolate: Most people who think they are allergic to chocolate are actually allergic to other foods used to make chocolate, such as dairy, soy or nuts. But some people are actually allergic to cacao, and that is unfortunate. Imagine life without the height of chocolate culinary achievement. I'm speaking, of course, of Cocoa Puffs.



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4 comments
Elizabeth DeHoff
Elizabeth DeHoff

I really expected to see celiac disease (or wheat/gluten intolerance) on this list. The fact that it didn't appear here makes me think maybe I don't have it so bad -- I can still have garlic, meat, salt, alcohol, water and (THANK YOU JESUS) orgasms. Thank you for brightening my day. (And the Rockies, among other pro sports teams, now offer gluten-free hot dogs, hamburgers and beer, so I REALLY should not complain too much.)

Susan Clemens
Susan Clemens

Kyle,  thank you for a humourous and informative view on allergies!  Most non-allergic individuals simply rant without taking the time to research the subject.  I really appreciate the time it took you to do the leg work.  Even if it was a google search or two, you took the initiative!I was prepared to hate your article, but now I just want to give you a hug (and a big tip!).Yes, my kid is like Duffy and she has it easy compared to Kaleb Bussenschutt!I know we drive you crazy at work but I promise that we won't arrive during the dinner rush and we will have discussed the situation with the manager prior to booking our reservation.  We truly appreciate the work you put into creating a positive dining experience.

juliarix
juliarix

About 16 percent of Americans between the ages of 14 and 49 are infected with genital herpes, making it one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases, U.S. health officials said. Maybe this is the reason that why there are more than 680,000 members on the herpes dating site pozmingle. Hope all the people take care and find love.

Kjrobinson54
Kjrobinson54

Yes, although it is fun to poke and prod a serious subject with humor occasionally, this particular gentleman may sound like he is anti-allergy in his opening comments but deep down he does realize and respect the limitations these people must live with through no fault of their own. It's just unfortunate, there is many more people that react and behave the opposite. To them, the whole allergy thing is just one big sham, like the whole world is full of a bunch of people just begging for some undue attention. So Kyle, thanks for the humor, but thank you more for the respect these people should be afforded by everyone.www.allergyfreeandsugarfreesna...

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