The ten most unfortunate food and drink allergies
Welcome to In the Weeds. Kyle will be right with you -- most likely to complain about something. Usually he is pleasant, but this is his place to blow off some steam. Don't take it personally; he just needs to vent because he's been doing this for about thirteen years. Enjoy your meal.
I'm probably dooming myself by saying this, but I'm allergic to allergies.
So far, though, I haven't suffered from allergies -- which is lucky, because I love food and eat it on an almost hourly basis. As a non-sufferer, I'm probably not as sensitive to allergies as I should be, and am admittedly annoyed when waiting on people with a laundry list of food allergies.
In an effort to better sympathize with allergy sufferers and bring light to their plight, I've done some study, and come up with the ten most unfortunate food and drink allergies:
10. Seeds: I could easily eliminate seeds from my diet without noticing -- if not for baseball. Sitting at a baseball game without sunflower seeds is like watching a baseball game without beer -- possible, but highly inadvisable. If a seedless baseball game is your reality, have an extra beer to ease the pain. (On a side note, Spitz Dill Pickle are the best sunflower seeds available, hands down)
9. Meat: It's fine, even admirable, if you choose not to eat meat, but to have that decision made for you is simply cruel. I hope those who are allergic to meat developed the affliction later in life, so that they were able to enjoy at least one delicious Porterhouse that wasn't followed by rashes and a swollen throat.
8. Blueberries: This super food is packed with Vitamin C, fiber and manganese, and if it makes you sick to eat it, you might be struck with a bigger malady. The amazing levels of antioxidants in blueberries kill free radicals, which are linked to the development of cancer. Blueberries are also very high in deliciousness.
7. Garlic: Channeling Jerry Seinfeld here. Anytime anyone says, "Ooh, this is so good, what's in this?," the answer invariably comes back: garlic. It makes everything better. It also has a number of health benefits that help battle cancer, diabetes and heart disease. For other ways garlic can help fine-tune your body, I'll refer you to our friends at Best-Herpes-Treatments.com. (And if you claim to understand how Google determines its search results, then explain why that site is the fourth-highest result when googling "garlic health benefits.")
6. Chocolate: Most people who think they are allergic to chocolate are actually allergic to other foods used to make chocolate, such as dairy, soy or nuts. But some people are actually allergic to cacao, and that is unfortunate. Imagine life without the height of chocolate culinary achievement. I'm speaking, of course, of Cocoa Puffs.