Ten awful tailgating foods you would only eat while drinking heavily

Flickr

I'll have the slow death, please.

Before the Denver Broncos take on the Raiders tonight, football fans will take on another tough tradition: tailgating.

Things are already cooking in the designated tailgating lot outside of the newly renamed Sports Authority at Mile High. The menu for a tailgating party should be easy: grill meat, add beer, watch game. So don't mess it up by making one of these dishes:

Flickr

10. BBCCD con Huevos: Judging from the recipe, BBCCD means "Bacon Burger Chili Cheese Dog," because it's all of those things topped with a fried egg and served on a bun. But BBCCD should really stand for "Beware Because Consuming Causes Death." In fact, the end of the directions state, "I don't recommend moving very much, during or after eating." Don't worry, you won't be able to.

Michelle Oddis

9. Strawberry Margarita Jello Shots: Beer. That's the answer to the question of "What should I drink at a tailgate party?" We would also accept "whiskey," "more beer" and "beer-whiskey smoothie." If one of your friends shows up at a tailgate party with a tray of these froufrou shots, grab the tray and smash it against his windshield. It's for his own good.

Flickr

8. Taco Soup: A taco is just a taco. And if you really insist, a salad. But not a soup. No matter what butter-covered Paula Deen has to say. And no tailgate recipe should take six hours to make. That would cut into valuable drinking time.

Flickr

7. Eggs in a Bag: Also known as "lazy-ass eggs that taste like a plastic bag." This recipe calls for combining eggs, cheese and pre-cooked meat in a bag and then cooking the package in boiling water. If a fat person spooning a partially cooked breakfast mixture that tastes like the inside of a Ziploc bag into his mouth makes you sad and not at all excited for football, good.

Flickr

6. Bacon-Wrapped, Cheese-Filled Brats: We know what you're thinking: All of these items are delicious, so why not combine them? But please, for the sake of rising health-care premiums, only consume two of these foods in any given meal.