Top five reasons why people should get to buy fast food with food stamps

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Yum! Brands -- parent company of such fast-food chains as KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell -- is currently lobbying the Kentucky state government to allow people to use their food stamps in its restaurants. Is this an example of unabashed corporate greed trying to divert state benefits from buying healthy eats? Or is it a finger-licking solution to food insecurity?

We say it's both. Is it fair that "income insecure" people be deprived of enchiritos and triple sausage pizzas just because they don't have any money? No. So here are our top five reasons why people should get to buy fast food with food stamps.

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Chicken is for everyone.
5. Poor people like fried chicken.

They do. There's probably a poll out there that says so, and even if there isn't, you can find proof in the permacrowd cramming their spitters with extra crispy outside the Popeye's on Colfax every single night. The KFC top brass already has all the evidence it needs, and putting up window signs stating "We accept SNAP" would cost less than an extra side of gravy.

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Capital is commodities, bitches!
4. The delicious taste of socialism.

If Friedrich Engels (his name starts with "fried," after all) and Karl Marx were alive today, they would say that American society needs our means of production to be cooperatively owned, with free bean burritos for all. Equal access to deep-fried foods in order to level the playing field isn't just an ideal -- it's already happening in Michigan, Arizona and parts of California. The rest of the country just needs to catch up. And that includes Colorado, where food stamps can't be used on any fast food except, arguably, Papa Murphy's -- because the pizza isn't cooked.

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Would you like a job with your Nachos Supreme?
3. Job creation!

Employment opportunities in the field of social services and the fast-food industry are so coveted and high-paying that creating more jobs would definitely boost our flagging economy, and hiring extra help for the first and 15th of every month would help bump a lot of low-income folks up the ladder a notch to slightly-less-poor so that they can afford to buy Gorditas with actual money...and everybody wins.

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"Now they want free cole slaw?!"
2. Fox News fodder.

Whenever the poor people start getting too mouthy, Fox News is there. Whenever poor people get things that they shouldn't be able to afford, Fox News is there. State governments picking up the tabs for taco dinners will give Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly something else to scream about besides Occupy Wall Street,, and the first one to call for a Pizza Hut boycott wins a six-figure book deal.

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The American dream.
1. Inventive capitalism.

Those people who stand out in grocery-store parking lots selling their food stamps for fifty cents on the dollar will be able to expand their client base to fast-food restaurant consumers, and maybe even bring the market value of their stamps to sixty or even seventy cents cash. And, with any luck, the parking lot tamale sellers -- their competitors -- will get squeezed out. A free-market economy is a bitch.

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food stamps are great, and they don't need to be accepted at restaurants. For example here in colorado, a single person can get up to 200 in food stamps. 200, if you go to a fast food joint with those. it willl not even come close to lasting a month. 200 a month seems like a lot for a single person, only if you are good shopper and look for sales, discounts and coupons. Other wise, I could eat 200 dollars in groceries in 2 weeks. Plus, you can buy all the frozen pizza and the grocery store you want, and some of them including the King Soopers brand are pretty dang good. I think as good or better than pizza hut for 4 bucks. you want tacos buy some taco shells a pound of ground beef, and the extras, will probably cost you 10 bucks will feed a family of 4 and still have some cheese, lettuce and sour cream left over for something else. 10 bucks at taco bell get you just 10 regular taco's, I'm skinny man, i can eat at least 5 tacos alone from taco bell. And KFC, there prices are ridiculous and I can make a bigger and better meal for 1/2 the price of KFC and probably feed a few more people too. I SAY NO TO FAST FOOD. with one exception such as they do in Los Angeles County California. If you are Homeless, or a Senior Citizen, you get a exception to use you food stamps at restaurants because homeless people don't have a way to cook or store food. and Seniors in some rare cases are not capable of cooking safely


I can get food stamps at 50 cents on the dollar?  Where is this magical exchange? That's a hell of a lot better than my 401(k) has done lately.


Whenever poor people don't get things that they shouldn't, WestWord is there.


Time to abolish food stamps and just give poor people the cash as Richard Nixon wanted to do.

Jennifer Wohletz
Jennifer Wohletz

I'm putting the "hell" to the "yeah!" on welfare taco night!


Hells yeah! I think the government should stuff the backs of horse-drawn wagons with large, unmarked bills and use pitch forks to toss the money into the streets. Can I getta woot-woot?

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