Five snacks to eat while watching John Waters movies
What's John Waters's favorite movie-watching snack? In anticipation of "An Evening With John Waters at the Rocky Mountain College of Art + Design this weekend, we asked the famed filmmaker several questions submitted by Westword readers, and then threw in the movie-snack question. His answer? .
"I love candy!" he told us. "Old-fashioned candy like Mexican Hats and Jujyfruits."
His all-time favorite candy? Wine gummies. When Waters mentioned that these tasty little confections are hard to find, we let him know that he should stop by Sugarlicious while he's in Denver, since that Cherry Creek shop has a self-serve bin filled with them.
But what kind of snacks should people eat while watching John Waters' films? That depends on which movie. To save you time, we've compiled a list of five snacks to eat while watching John Waters's movies -- and no "Roman showers" references, we swear!
From a foodie standpoint, Pink Flamingos is a masterpiece of strategically placed food items, and the foods featured in this movie actually serve as plot devices. A viewing soiree at your house would be greatly enhanced if you served snacks to correspond with the scenes in the movie where they appear.
Have some hard or soft-boiled eggs prepared for guests to nosh on throughout, with special emphasis on the "egg paranoia" scene between Edie and Babs where Babs assures Edie that the world will not run out of eggs. Serve the sausage when Crackers exposes himself to reveal a sausage tied to his doinker, and the fried chicken should come out during Crackers' sex scene with Cookie. Why? Well, let's just say that poor chicken in the scene probably wished it was fried instead of being in the middle of a ménage a cluck, so this movie snack is a fitting tribute to its sacrifice in the name of art.
Herring snacks in either mustard or sour cream sauce -- or in wine if you are feeling fancy -- will complement Waters' infamous "crime is beauty" classic. This is the perfect film to show your familial house guests over the holidays, since it will no doubt get your freeloading relatives the fuck out of your house faster than lighting the davenport on fire.
Between the scene with the filthy sex on a filthy mattress with a guy's filthy underwear showing and the scene where Taffy walks in on her parents making boinkers and gets an indecent proposal from her stepfather, you may actually lose your dining audience long before you present your snacky platter of delicious herring -- an homage to the scene where Dawn wallows in a playpen filled with dead fish.
It can be effectively argued that there is no wrong time to serve a basket filled with lightly-battered and flash-fried chicken gizzards. But in order to make this appetizing treat work with Waters's bloody, religiously-irreverent masterpiece, ditch the usual side of gizzard-friendly ranch dressing and instead prepare a tomato-based dipping sauce -- perhaps a fine ketchup. Serve the basket during the scene where Bonnie tries to shoot Lady Divine, so that your guests will have their mouths full of ketchup and chicken innards when Lady Divine hacks up Mr. David and eats his organs. Stain-proof carpet is probably a good idea here.
This film, rife with scenes of sociopathic lesbian snoo-snoo, would really be best viewed during a banquet-style feast with a glorious whole-hog roast with no detail left unattended, including an apple in the pig's mouth. Pulled pork is an economically efficient alternative to roasting an entire pig on a spit in the back yard, and it would be best-served buffet-style with paper plates and plastic silverware, since your dining viewers will likely be so captivated by the movie's demented criminal shantytown filled with mucus, snot and rabies that eating may be a low priority.
But the happy ending of the flick when Queen Carlotta is roasted on a spit will remind your guests to eat, if only so that they can have something in their stomachs when the nausea sets in.
1. A Dirty Shame: Canned spaghetti.
This piece of cinema-graphic artistry introduces something to mainstream American movie-viewers that they didn't know they couldn't live without: sploshing. Ceremoniously dumping wet food items on your swimsuit parts for erotic stimulation is a party in and of itself, but hosting a viewing party with edibles to complement themes such as crazed suburban nymphomania, planet-sized dirty pillows and Johnny Knoxville not having to act can be a real challenge for any home cook.
But luckily the sploshing scene includes some prêt-a-porter ideas for movie snacking, including pudding cups, what appears to be baked beans and a can of cold, shelf-stable spaghetti. Make it festive! Open several cans and leave them out for guests to splosh themselves with, because if mashing unheated pasta into your crotch is wrong, then what true John Waters fan wants to be right?