Five reasons why reviewing chain restaurants isn't the worst idea in the world

OK Here are 5 reasons why reviewing chains is the worst thing in the world:

1--Their food is based on the lowest common denominators: dishes repeatable by the least trained, least informed cooks they can pay the least and work the longest.

2--By buying all of their food stuffs in bulk, they chain is geared to maximize profits by feeding you mass produced garbage, from god knows where, at a lower price than a restaurant that has ethics towards where its ingredients come from can possibly offer--covered with sauce and salt to mask that these products have no flavor of their own.  This has a major negative effect all its own: they fool the average consumer into believing that food is cheaper than it is, skewing the idea of perceived value.

3--The enormous carbon footprint created by chains designed to get you fresh looking produce out of season (tomato to CO from Mex, etc), meat cheaply (agro-biz) and without variance in color or presentation which leads directly to

4--GMO's.  Make absolutely no bones about it.  Every single time you or I eat in a chain we are giving license to companies to pursue GMOs.  It's a fact.  If you care about this issue at all, ya can't ignore this.  Now GMO's are pure business and as such, makes crazy financial sense: create plants that yield more, resist diseases, and look the same and you've created a product.  Create breeds that fatten faster with fattier beef at a younger age and a concern can spend less money on raising their animals.  It's ROI.  And it's driven by selling to chain restaurants and larger supermarkets.  Which leads to

5--Chickens coming home to roost, aka health costs.  Heart disease, diabetes.  Sure.  But we are creating a generation of people that can't bake biscuits but want Doritos Shell Tacos.  It's like the MTVing of our palates--a newer, hipper idiot gourmande.  The fact is that food grown for taste: heritage breeds and heirloom varietals have been shown in study after study to be easier on our systems, higher in good fats, lower in bad fats, and higher in all the natural nutrients that we consume things for.  Eating real grass fed, grass finished beef raised in Colorado and prepared properly will knock your socks off.  

Chains sell shit that hurts your health and the health of whoever you're dragging with you there.  Chains sell food out of season.  Chains don't help, use or support local farmers.  Chains hurt the environment with their carbon footprints.  Chains take advantage of our economy, by duping you into thinking "4 of us can eat there and have appetizers and desserts, for the price of 2 of us eating at (fill in name of your fave place here)"--hoping you'll think about a perceived value instead of the damage you're doing to your health and your local economy.  Chains are the new liquor stores.  They are the new cigarettes.  Screwing you and your family's health by giving you 20% off.  And you're reviewing them.

Why not review cigarettes and crack too?

Cracker Barrel is not very Colorado-y.  People do not love it here they way they do elsewhere - particularly the Mid-Atlantic and Southeastern US. 

Village Inn on the other hand...

Reason #6: Reviewing chain restaurants would mean plenty of places for Grand Junction residents to sound off on in Zagat reviews.

* Jenn in chains: great mental image (ooooh - shiver me timbers).

* Meatloaf on a stick? Yes - have some.

* Bohemian chicks rock.

* If you don't like what Jenn writes about, don't read it. Better yet, don't buy the paper. Oh, wait........ 

A couple of other reasons to review chains:

- they're open Monday nights.- the dish the reviewer mentions is likely (although not guaranteed) to be there in six weeks when you get around to eating there.- so is the restaurant, for that matter.- they don't use fennel in everything.- many of them have parking. I know that by mentioning this it makes me automatically not hip enough to read Westword.- people eat there and would like to know what the food/atmosphere/service is like ahead of time.

I strongly prefer to go to local restaurants, especially when we have out of town guests, or even when I just want a good meal out. A good local restaurant beats the heck out of even the best chain. But like others, my budget - both money and time -  does not always stretch to cover the cost of the places I'd really like to eat. (And that Monday night thing has bit me hard the past couple of weeks when we had folks from out of town who wanted to do dinner and had only Monday night free.)

Love you, Jenn!

Chains are often locally owned and employ our friends and neighbors. I wish i could afford to eat at every restaurant Laura Shunk reviews for 2 or 3 meals every day. But the truth is i find myself in a Panera or Chipotle on occassion. And even though i haven't stepped foot in many fast food chains... If a reviewer i respect clues me in to a new must-have Taco Bell bean disaster or tasty McDoo's McShitpile i'll use that information to make an informed decision next time i'm short on time but long on hunger.

Cheers, Jen. I wish you the best.

 Touché, but I still don't have to like it :-)

Jenn your whole disccourse brings to mind the Mariliyn Hagerty brou ha of several weeks ago.Any restaurant that charges money fr food should be reviewed. Reviews are not features too often the restuarant crowd forgets that

"Believe it or snot, I don't work for companies whose products I can't stand for 100 percent."

You mean, not anymore anyway.

Jennstirrer, your links are often borken. Last time they were like "http://http://". This time they're missing colons. Are you also missing your colon from eating all the crap from teh chains? :P Anyway, keep on trying Jenny -- u go grlll!!