Five reasons why breakfast burritos should be made right -- or not at all

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I just learned that Dunkin' Donuts has introduced two breakfast burritos: the Southwest Veggie Breakfast Burrito and the Southwest Steak Breakfast Burrito. While I do not begrudge DDs its newfound interest in the fine art of creating the breakfast burrito, I can't help but scratch my donut hole in bewilderment as to why it would choose to dabble in this while neglecting to offer a long-proposed donut breakfast sandwich instead.

I am an unapologetic breakfast burrito purist. I don't want to see my precious morning repast perverted into a franken-fail mixture of weird ingredients like raisins, bones and capers, wrapped in a flour tortilla. I want eggs, some form of over-salted breakfast meat, cheese, chile and potatoes. And in defense of the sacred morning wrap, here are five reasons why breakfast burritos should be made right -- or not at all.

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5. Because making simple things complicated is a thin slice of insanity.

It really doesn't get any simpler than breakfast burritos, and they don't need avocado, tomatoes or anything else you'd normally find on a salad to make them great. Maybe just a side of hot salsa to open the face-wakey-vents, or an extra layer of aluminum foil to keep all the warm insides warm. I've found that early mornings are not the time to attempt anything tricky.

4. Because healthy adjustments are fine, but makeovers usually are not.

I understand and fully endorse healthful modifications and fine-tuning of popular breakfast items -- making them egg whites-only, or with lower fat/sodium ham, turkey or chicken sausage or bacon, less or lowfat cheese, and potatoes that are baked, not fried. And our vegan and vegetarian friends should absolutely get to have their burritos and eat them too: tofu scramble, cashew cheese and veggie-meat nuggets are the perfect way to enjoy breakfast burritos in meatless form. But stuffing them full of quasi-healthy and faux-designer extras like caramelized onions, sautéed bell peppers and Southwestern seasoning mixes is not adding anything useful, and might actually make them less healthy than the originals.

3. Because it's difficult to screw up eggs, meat, chile cheese and potatoes, but some manage to do it.

Respect the institution of the morning breakfast burrito enough to fill it with ingredients that are properly prepared. We've all known the heartbreak and shattered expectations of a burrito crammed full of burnt or watery scrambled eggs; tough, chewy old meat; rubbery cheese and soggy potatoes with too much/too little chile. It's a terrible, horror-show feeling to unwrap a badly-made burrito, and taking the time and effort to make sure everything is just right should be mandated by law.

The top two reasons are on Page 2.


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13 comments
pasadenagene
pasadenagene

DISAPPOINTED5/20/2012Went to Dunkin to try the new burritos. Got there around 7am when the drive thru opened. Sat in the car to eat before work. I ordered one of each of the steak and veg burittos. Instead of freshly made hot food, i got burritos with dried outer tortilla wraps and the consistency of the inside looked like goo!!!  I took a bite and tossed them both. Back to McDonalds for me. At least i know that when i order breakfast there i get freshly made food, not stuff that was under a heat lamp for hours!

Siallechante
Siallechante

If Ms. Wohletz had actually bothered to try Dunkin's new Breakfast Burrito, she would know that it is actually incredibly delicious. At least the veggie one is. "Pure" or not, don't knock what you haven't tried.

Scott
Scott

I'm a big fan of avocados in my breakfast burritos at home, but, I can't think of any restaurant that I frequent that includes them.  If you have to eat tofu scramble, cashew cheese and veggie-meat nuggets in your breakfast burrito I feel sorry for you.  I understand going with potatos, eggs and veggie green chile, but that other crap just doesn't appeal to me.  Nothing agaisnt the folks that dig that shit, but it doesn't work for me.  I also think Colorado has the best breakfast burritos in the nation.  I'm sure New Mexico has good ones as well, but I don't think I've had one down there.  Breakfast burritos need green chile.  Other states serve breakfast burritos with salsa and that just doesn't cut it.

GFTW
GFTW

Jenn's Donut Hole: Come Git Yer Donut Breakfast Sammies!

I think I pretty much disagree with this article -- gimme all that fru-fru stuff. I can't stand gut bombs for breakfast anymore...

Mantonat
Mantonat

I agree with everything you wrote here, except the part about the avocado. Avocados are a respectable addition to any Mexican-derived food substance. Avocados are vegetables (culinarily) sure, but they are also full of fat - they are like packages of butter that grow on trees. Avocados got a bad rap because of people who like to stuff them with crab meat or use them in spa treatments, but really they are as close as it comes to meat without actually being meat. For more information, see my pamphlet on the Preservation of the Integrity of the Avocado.

Jenn Loves Avocado
Jenn Loves Avocado

 @Scott: I've living in both New Mexico and Colorado now, and I would be hard-pressed to choose between their respective styles of breakfast burrito. The only real f-f-f-fail I see in DenCo is that sometimes the chile is mucho mild--no bueno.

SLL
SLL

If you want fru-fru than NO breakfast burrito is for you and therefore this article is not for you...Jenn = AMEN sister. Nothing worse than paying for and biting into a breakfast burrito expecting morning amazingness and getting something less. Love you and am a frequent shopper but I'm talking to you Marczyk's.

Jenn Loves Avocado
Jenn Loves Avocado

 @595d2c6d2a9e562388779917aed95759:disqus "they are like packages of butter that grow on trees..." I am so stealing this!

GFTW
GFTW

Flavored tortillas, lots o' herbs, and bean sprouts in a breakfast burrito sounds good to me! You greasy spoon hillbillies might as well just roll up and eat lard.

Mantonat
Mantonat

So is almost all of the fat around my torso.

rain
rain

Maybe that would be tasty, but by the time you replace the exterior and the interior, it ain't no breakfast burrito.

Southwestern Breakfast Wrap, maybe. Breakfast Burrito, no.

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