Top five weird food news stories from this week
2. Ben & Jerry's sues a porn company for no good reason.
When I heard that a porn company was making "Ben & Cherry's" adult DVDs with names like "Boston Cream Thigh," "Hairy Garcia," "New York Fat & Chunky" and "Peanut Butter D-Cup," my only thought was: Why hadn't someone thought of that sooner?
Now Ben & Jerry's is suing the slutty underpants off of them, stating that the "hardcore pornographic" films have smeared its reputation. Personally, I think B&J's is going about this all wrong -- why not team up with the porn-makers for a cold, creamy, corporate gangbang? Ice cream goes with sexy boom-boom, the product placement opportunities are endless, and I'm thinking that "Schweddy Balls" would appeal to a whole new market demographic. Hell, B&J has ready-made porn names without even having to think outside the pint with "Banana Split," "Cake Batter," "Chubby Hubby" and "Cinnamon Buns."
But I think I would draw the line at "Dublin Mudslide."
1. A Fifty Shades of Grey cooking class?! Please make it stop!
Ever since Fifty Shades of Grey -- that badly-written erotic Twilight fan-fiction that duly earned its nickname of "Mommy porn" -- broke onto the American socio-cultural consciousness like a bursting boil releasing its exudate, I have been beleaguered with questions about BDSM, pelted with half-witted statements of "fact" about kink, and filled with ennui from watching my Facebook page being littered with 30+ women regressing back to teenage emo status at the idea that they may one day find their own "Christian Grey" -- like finding an emotionally damaged, assholey pseudo-dominant male is difficult or something.
This book's latest saturated-market-exploitation is a kink-themed cooking class, held at a California strip mall (apropo) where girlfriends, couples and mommies got to make "Playroom Pretzel Ropes," " Bondage Wrapped Shrimp with Vanilla Bean Citrus Beurre Blanc" and, for dessert, a martini called "The Flogger," garnished with a shortbread cookie in the shape of a tiny flogger.
When it got into food marketing, Fifty Shades definitely passed my pop-culture tolerance threshold. Don't get me wrong -- I like that the lifestyle is becoming less stigmatized, and we dark-siders don't have to hide our tantalizing and subversive pleasures in dank, cobwebby basements (although that is pretty hot ). But I am disappointed to the place of disgust at seeing kink reduced to a cheap fad.
And what about those poor shrimp? Were they even given a safe word before being trussed up in that bacon?