Merry McRib-mas! A holiday poem in celebration

McRibness 026.JPG
J. Wohletz
Merry McRib-mas to all, and to all a good night!
Yesterday marked the glorious return of America's favorite onion-ed, pickled, sauce-slathered, probably-pork sandwich. Much to my delight, the McDonald's location at 505 East Colfax Avenue is now serving the McRib sandwich -- and thanks to McDoo's extremely persuasive "Get a second McRib for $1," I not only got one McRib sandwich...I got two.

McDonald's usually releases the McRib in October, but not this year, due to either unseasonably warm weather earlier in the fall or to strengthen McD's fourth-quarter sales--depending on which media story you believe. But we who love the McRib see its annual return as a this case a holiday gift that keeps on giving. And so I have decided to memorialize it in a touching holiday poem I call "Merry McRib-mas."

See also:
-The McRib is back, and Denver's got it
-An ode to the McRib sandwich, which disappears again December 5
-Update: McRib dominates me

McRibness 023.JPG
J. Wohletz
A McRib with fries, a Hi-C orange AND a holiday pie!
Merry McRib-mas

Merry McRib-mas, everyone! Time for holiday cheer
The McRib sandwich, like Santa, only comes once a year.

It's saucey, it's oniony, it has pickles galore.
You can't buy this gift in a department store.

It's juicy, it's tender, it's probably pork.
It's a tasty fake rib you can eat with a spork.

Haters be hatin' but it's the gift that keeps on giving.
You can live without it, sure, if you call THAT living.

The McRib will make the holidays brighter, never fear.
Because unlike Chick-Fil-A, McDoo hasn't pissed anyone off this year.

And Mickey's isn't scared of Obamacare, it seems.
Unlike with Papa John's, there are no angry Facebook memes.

The McRib represents the holiday spirit.
Although neither of my cats will go anywhere near it.

The McRib's return could not have been better-timed.
You can eat a McRib AND a holiday pie at the very same time.

The McRib is seasonal, with a price you can't beat.
It's possibly made with reindeer meat.

Santa will buy some -- in twos or in threes.
After leaving Colorado this year, he'll have the munchies.

It's truly McRib-mas; a billion customers served can't be wrong.
And it stays in your colon all year long.

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
Ozzie Perch
Ozzie Perch

why does it look like a big toe in there....?

Peace Will Win
Peace Will Win

The entire McRib sandwich contains about 70 ingredients — including a flour-bleaching agent used in yoga mats. Flickr/Calgary Reviews As it appears out of the box, the McRib sandwich consists of just five basic components: a pork patty, barbecue sauce, pickle slices, onions, and a sesame bun. But, as recently reported by Time magazine, a closer inspection of McDonald's own ingredient list reveals that the pork sandwich contains a total of 70 ingredients. This includes azodicarbonamide, a flour-bleaching agent often used in the production of foamed plastics. The entire sandwich packs a whopping 500 calories, 26 grams of fat, 44 grams of carbs, and 980 milligrams of sodium.

Doug Hubka
Doug Hubka

Great News - The McRib is back :)

Joe Beauprez
Joe Beauprez

I cannot believe how much ink WW gives fast food. It makes no sense.

Peace Will Win
Peace Will Win

Poison, non food, virus engineered, ass blaster, ahhhh Merica!

Jeff Hansen
Jeff Hansen

yuck...why do people eat those things?

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

I generally get the 2nd McRib myself...I generally mix in a salad instead of fries, then. What ever pig parts it's made of, I enjoy it.

ScubaSteve topcommenter

Actually, the story goes that McD's fourth quarter sales dropped in 2011 due to unseasonably warm weather.

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

Oddly, the place I went today didn't let me substitute fries for a salad, which is strange, because the other place did before, and they sell the salad for less than the fries.

Now Trending

From the Vault