Five food trends that need to die with 2012

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Die! Die! Die until you are dead!
This year has been an interesting and generally productive one for food trends, with global tastes well-established, house-made fruit and vegetable pickles all the rage, gourmet burgers and craft brews holding steady, and Peruvian and Thai fusion cuisine everywhere. But with the good comes the bad, and there are definitely a few food trends that have outlived their usefulness, and need to be put out of our misery.

Here are the top five food trends that should end when 2012 does. Cupcake-sized caskets, anyone?

See also:
- Pie, the food trend of 2011, is still hot at these Denver spots
- Bugged by the Huffington Post's "11 Biggest Food Trends of 2011"
- Behold our 2011 food trend predictions

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Seriously -- enough already.
5. Crisis foods need to flatline.

We have had economic crisis-inspired, extreme comfort foods there to cuddle us through the hard times: dishes like fettuccine Alfredo with bacon instead of pasta, mile-high meatloaf stacks with buckets of gravy on the sides, and macaroni and cheese made with seventeen different kinds of cheese -- including Velveeta -- loaded with sauteed onions and green peppers, a fried egg, three apple turnovers and topped with an entire pot roast.

Diners need to get comfortable with the idea that it's okay to say that nostalgia foods have gone too far, and get back to eating regular, high-calorie/fat-loaded/hibernation-fuel macaroni and cheese.

4. Extreme couponing needs to have an extreme demise.

Coupons are awesome -- they really are. Saving money on groceries and dining out never goes out of style, but showing up at the checkout line with a wheelbarrow full of coupons for shampoo, granola bars and Virginia Slims, saving $113 and spending $4.15, and then posting the receipt on Facebook and gassing on about how clever, frugal and hip you are...well, it's time to turn those coupon-cutting scissors on yourself. That, or get some other hobbies, or consider using a few of your stray pharmaceutical industry coupons to sample the latest OCD medications.

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Cheap bastards.
3. Mini desserts need to be downsized.

Cake pops, micro-brownies, layered pudding things in shot glasses, tartlettes and breath mint-sized cookies all need to be Miracle-Grown back to regular-sized desserts. Because while the portion sizes may have shrunk, in many cases the prices sure as hell haven't. Self-control is a lost art form, to be sure, but mini-sweets have helped to marginalize the old-fashioned, tried-and-true solution to monitoring sugar intake: You take a knife or other suitable cutting device, cut the regular-sized dessert into two or more servings, and don't eat them all at the same time.


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33 comments
DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

In other foodie news -- The company operated by Denver restaurateur Jesse Morreale has filed for bankruptcy protection and is facing foreclosure on the Broadway building housing his El Diablo and Sketch restaurants.

Epic Fail!

Skid Jarrett Gilmore
Skid Jarrett Gilmore

Oh, and Cherry Creek customers who feel they're so privileged they can make up their own menus.

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

Why so negative all the time, eh Jenny?

HipTip: chocolate helps alleviate depression

Raquel Xochitl Del Real
Raquel Xochitl Del Real

i know nothing of food trends, i just hope i can change my diet of peanut butter and ramen next year. that means i hope i can afford food....

Wit Knee
Wit Knee

Those Doritos Taco Bell taco...things...

flightsimulator
flightsimulator

As someone who lives with a glutard, I hope that trend continues forever: its made my life so much easier.

Shoshana Gray
Shoshana Gray

Cake pops. Why? I want a big hunk of cake! Not a little ball of cake on a stick.

NumberThree
NumberThree

#1 sign the world is coming to an end. I actually agree with something on Cafe Society.

rain
rain

Another one: Stop putting bacon in everything.

Bacon's great, but we don't need Bacon Cupcakes with Bacon Foam Icing served with Bacon-Infused Herbal Tea. Cut it out.

Cecil
Cecil

Here's a trend that needs to go tits up: referring to anything other than actual pornography as "__ Porn." 

Take heed, Westword.

Mantonat
Mantonat topcommenter

The trends that need to go are the ones that can alter an entire menu or restaurant, like the extreme comfort food trend. Some of the other stuff, like cupcakes or gluten-free options, don't really affect me. If I don't like cupcakes or I am sick of them, it's pretty easy to erase their existence from my mind. Gluten-free options don't really affect the gluten-eating customers either. It might affect you if the waiter's time is being tied up answering questions about every item on the menu, or if everyone else in the restaurant orders gluten-free at the same time and your entree gets caught behind a line of special orders.

Another trend that needs to go: restaurants that charge for every little add-on, even when it's something that typically comes with a specific dish. One of my friends was recently asked to pay extra for syrup with pancakes at a weekend brunch. Totally insane.

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

@Raquel Xochitl Del Real I hear ya. I'm also the opposite of rich. Have you tried the roasted chicken flavor of ramen? It's richer than the regular chicken one.

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

@Wit Knee I'm pretty excited for the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos tacos--no hard date on them yet, but many rumors.

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

@rain I'm on it--I was particularly bugged this last year when fast food chains started making bacon get weird. 

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

@Cecil But what if you actually do jerk off to the food--or pictures of it?

Tally
Tally

@Mantonat I never go again to an Italian place that charges for bread or Mexican that charges for chips. 

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

@Mantonat Right?! McDoo charged me for extra pickles on my McRib the other day--a nickel.

DonkeyHotay
DonkeyHotay topcommenter

@jenna-furrr ... so smoke some pot, eat some chocolate, and masturbate to food porn ... and cheer the fuck up.

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