Five food trends that need to die with 2012
2. Cupcakes are terminally ill, but still clinging to life.
Wooden stakes, garlic-laden crosses, silver bullets and John-f*cking-McClane can't seem to kill the cupcake trend, but at least it's on the decline, just waiting for us to yank the plug out of the wall, fake a few tears, and move on. Bigger and better dessert trends are being cake-blocked by this aging trend -- think of the poor macaroons that've been waiting in the lobby of the trend depot for years. And even though we all have collective memories of the good times with cupcakes -- eating them in fields of daisies and that time cupcakes loaned us money for that ski trip -- wouldn't it be best to honor their memories by giving them the option to die with dignity? Pull the plug, already!!!
1. A gluten-free death.
Out. Of. Hand.
There are people who have genuine, legitimate allergies to wheat gluten, and for them, this last year's trend of restaurants and shops offering gluten-free meals and products was not only a good idea from an empathetic standpoint, but quite a marketing coup as well. But this trend is now getting out of hand, and it needs to be stopped before it gets so big that Dr. Yamane, Emiko and Steve Martin have to blast it with an oxygen destroyer to stop it from eradicating Tokyo.
Gluten-freeZilla is being fed and nurtured by folks who have no allergies to gluten, and are trend-f*cking it the same way people trend-f*cked the Atkins diet into the ground. And just as now nobody orders burgers in lettuce "buns," the gluten-free trend will end up a mostly unfunny joke in a few years, erased from menus and memories alike. So why not have some compassion for the people who actually need gluten-free foods and drinks, and pre-meditatively murder-one this trend and then try to plea it down to accidental death?
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