Burger King's new Whopper, molten fudge desserts, cheesy tots and chicken nuggets

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J. Wohletz
The new molten fudge bite sundae from Burger King.
Hearing rumors that Burger King had introduced a new avocado & Swiss Whopper, as well as molten fudge desserts, tater tots with the cheese baked into them and tempura-ish battered chicken nuggets, I decided to forgive that whole bacon sundae debacle and visit the Burger King kingdom at 3200 Downing Street.

See also:
-Burger King brings back the California Whopper -- and rolls out Cinnabon
-Burger King's new summer menu is both sweet and sour
-Burger King's new bacon sundae -- thievery for no good reason

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J. Wohletz
The molten fudge bites--chocolate lava-esque.
As soon as I hit the counter, I ordered the new avocado & Swiss Whopper, both new desserts -- the molten fudge bites and the molten fudge bite sundae -- as well as an order of cheesy tots and a twenty-piece order of BK's new recipe chicken nuggets (what if the first nineteen nuggets don't give me the full flavor profile, right?). And since I also noticed that there was a buy-one-get-one deal with two new chicken sandwiches, the Italian and Philly, I did a little impulse buy and got both.

So far, so good. But then I asked for BK's signature Kung Pao nugget dipping sauce, and got shut down like a garage door. They didn't have even one little tub to give me. "It's not popular here," said the well-meaning cashier.

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J. Wohletz
The avocado & Swiss Whopper was predictably bleh.
For those of you who have yet to try the deliciousness that is the Kung Pao sauce, it's a salty, tangy, gingery, spicy tub of dark brown goo that's a little bit Teriyaki -- and a little bit rock and roll. It's the best sauce for nugget dipping I've tried -- it even edges out McDonald's sweet chili sauce. Instead, I settled for the jalapeno barbeque.

While I was waiting for my order, I parked at a table in the middle of the almost empty dining room and fiddled with my phone until I looked up and saw a complete stranger sitting down right next to me -- really, really close to me, and he was really, really drunk.

"Who the f*ck are you, and what are doing?" I asked him, impolitely.

"Marhashup, dinglebrahmo-wedoopapanoo," he replied.

"Outta here, dude--personal space; check into it," I told him as I got up to move away.

"Okay, you can't be hassling my customers!" my new favorite BK cashier hollered as she kicked him out the door. The Downing store: It's just like being at the Colfax store, without the couple extra miles.

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J. Wohletz
These cheesy tots lived up to the hype.
I thanked my hero cashier and picked up my food. The desserts got my attention first: I guessed that BK had christened them "molten fudge" bites because somebody somewhere must have trademarked "chocolate lava," but that's pretty much what they were. These balls were heavy with crisp outsides dusted with powdered sugar and hot, melty chocolate middles -- there were like enchanting little brownie balls with the warm icing on the insides. The bites were yummy, and the sundae was BK's regular, thankfully non-baconed, vanilla/hot fudge/caramel confection with two molten fudge bites stuck to the top of it -- but the lack of creativity didn't make this sundae any less delicious.

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2 comments
GFTW
GFTW

"Marhashup, dinglebrahmo-wedoopapanoo"

He has a promising career as a Westword writer!

jenna-furrr
jenna-furrr topcommenter

@GFTW I have missed your frequent and acerbic witticisms.

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