Subway's missing inch: Five reasons the footlong lawsuit is ridiculous

Categories: Fast Food, Lists

Refuse to eat Subway at your own peril...
2. You could try making your own sammies at home...
...and make them any length you want. No one is forcing anyone upon threat of death by renegade Yakuza clan swords to haul their butt cheeks to Subway for lunch. Suing a business that provides a non-essential product -- sorry, Jared -- over something as trivial as an inch of bread makes me wonder if those two dingleberries ate too many paint chips as children.

Here's a solution to the problem of not getting an inch of bread: Make your own damn sandwiches at home. Bake your own sandwich buns that are exactly twelve inches -- or go batsh*t crazy and make 'em twelve and a half inches long.

1. Most high-profile fast food lawsuits are ridiculous.

Trying to milk some jingle out of Subway's teats via a lawsuit seems like reaching around your ass to scratch your elbow -- why not just cut out the legal middle man, grab a black ski mask and a Hello Kitty water gun, and just rob a couple of Subway stores and get loot the old-fashioned way? That would be slightly more honest.

But even scarier than off-highway robbery is this: This entire lawsuit gambit could be a super-secret conspiracy by execs at Quizno's, Jimmy John's and Schlotzsky's Deli, who're meeting in a dimly lit parlor, with cigar smoke and snifters of brandy, when one of them says, "Let's bring those bitches down!" This scheme comes complete with mustache-twirling and the high-up folks at Which Wich and Panera Bread waiting on speed-dial.

Does that sound ridiculous?

No more so than this lawsuit.

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an exclusive interview with one of the attorneys who filed the subway sandwhich footlong lawsuit can be watched at


Wow, you promised five reasons and then gave five reasons!  That is so weird.

Lisa Hug
Lisa Hug

their food is so bad they are doing the consumer a favor by sparing them an inch

jenna-furrr topcommenter

I think this might confuse people. I heard there was no math taught in public schools.

David Pennington
David Pennington

Perfect ad campaign opportunity: "Jared and the Angry Inch"

davebarnes topcommenter

I hope this lawsuit wins big.

But, only if they sue correctly.

The official system of weighs and measures in the USA is the metric system. So, Subway should be sued for 12-inches. Subway should be forced to say: 30 cm.


@Lisa Hug I totally agree. I think it's false advertising to call their products sandwiches, and I'm going to sue for THAT.

DonkeyHotay topcommenter

@jenna-furrr ... ask Lori Midson ... she can't even figure the volume of a container of her own given dimensions.

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