Five fast-food trend fails of 2012 -- including the ruination of bacon!

It even looks like pee.
2. Breaking breakfast
I have no clue which Taco Bell corporate executive woke up one morning after a night of drinking, drugging, stripping and slathering farm animals with fire sauce and "exploring," and then decided that dumping Mountain Dew into a bottle of orange juice was a revolutionary plan to bring back breakfast beverages, but chances are it's the same peener who created Taco Bell's abhorrent breakfast menu.

Mountain Dew A.M. is f*cking gross.

And this frankenasty drink is a symptom of food-trend fail from 2012 that turned the most important meal of the day into a circus with no tent. Introducing breakfast where there was none before is fine; rolling it out with a few kinks to work out is normal. But if a fast-food place has both no experience with breakfast items AND can't make them taste nice AND can't get basics like eggs right, then it's time to find the idiots who green-lit the breakfast cattle drive, fire them, and go back to the test kitchen and start with something simple like turning bread into toast.

Ew. Just ew.
1. Making bacon weird
I never thought in a frillion years that bacon could be weird. I was oh-so-wrong when fast-food year 2012 saw the emergence of bacon-garnished ice cream desserts in fast-food restaurants like kraken from a deep, dark sea of commercially overexposed culinary concepts.

Fast-food restaurants: Let us pretend for a moment that corporations are people, and I'll explain to you what you did. You took the terrible, half-rubbery, half-burnt, chilly, grease-smeared, precooked bacon that you get in bulk and whacked it into uneven pieces and applied it liberally to your machine-made, freakishly colored, usually melted, fake-flavored soft serve, dumped fudge and caramel sauce on the whole affair, and unleashed this monster as a bacon sundae. You even blended this atrocity into a shake and garnished it with your abysmal bacon and a straw.

You should not have done this. You made bacon weird, and that's damn near impossible to do. Please stop doing this, and don't ever, ever do it again.

Do you need some time to purge these from your stores? It's cool...I'll wait.

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