Five fast-food chains that should NOT serve breakfast

taco bell mountain dew stock.jpg
Taco Bell wants you to drink this -- in the morning.
Customers are very fortunate to have fast-food chains that offer adequate -- if not 100 percent nutritious or gourmet -- breakfast menus for those days when flipping pancakes or cracking eggs at home isn't time-efficient. And fast-food patrons are also fortunate that not every chain offers breakfast items, since more than a few chains can't manage to do lunch or dinner without screwing them up...and the first and most important meal of the day should at least be edible and filling, if not tasty and energizing.

Here are five fast-food chains that should NOT serve breakfast. You can't rise and shine with a stomach full of awful.

See also:
- Five fast-food trend fails of 2012 -- including the ruination of bacon!
- Five discontinued fast-food items I want back
- The fifteen most popular fast-food chains -- and why some don't matter

MMmmm...tooth decay.
5. Arby's
Arby's motto is "Slicing up freshness." But the "freshness" that Arby's is cooking up on its breakfast menu these days includes biscuits that are stale on a good day and concrete on a bad one, bacon that is never really chewy or crispy, and eggs that taste like the grease leavings at the bottom of a Folger's can sitting on someone's stove.

And Arby's "outside-in cinnamon bites," ostensibly the breakfast menu's golden coin, are more like the dirty penny. They look like reheated frozen pizza rolls stuffed with what Arby's says is cinnamon cream cheese, but feels and tastes more like hot, slimy, white cake frosting.

Freshness? Arby's special new breakfast slogan should be, "If this is the only breakfast option in a twenty-mile radius, maybe start that starvation diet early."

Green peppers.....the opposite of yum.
4. Quizno's
The breakfast menu at Quizno's is based on the oh-so-incredibly-over flatbread trend, littered like a cat box with flatbread sandwich/wrappy things with fluffy but tasteless egg patties; bacon that is either chopped or just so thin it falls apart into crumpled piles; really, really greasy, over-salted sausage rounds; and way too much waxy, half-melted processed cheese food product.

Quizno's regular menu items are sub-par enough -- we don't need bad breakfast, too.

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3. Subway
The current fruckus over the actual measurements of Subway's foot-long sandwiches aside (are they eleven inches? Eleven and a half? Pinch an inch?), Subway's sandwich menu is inexpensive and ju-u-u-st interesting enough with those rotating specials to appeal to a wide variety of customers, and its off-again, on-again hot pizza sub should be included on a list of this century's most delicious culinary inventions. But then the sandwich squad decided to taint the pool by introducing some cringe-worthy ideas on how to reach the fast-food breakfast-eating demographic.

Subway's luncheon meats are admittedly not the best quality when they are served cold on bread with mustard, but they become practically vile when heated and paired with everyone's favorite breakfast food -- strips of egg, whites-only. Adding not quite sautéed but not raw green pepper slices and under-ripe tomatoes to everything does jack and shit for flavor or texture. The signature steak, egg and cheese breakfast sandwich is made with the same below-Steak-Ums quality "beef" ribbons used on the regular hot subs -- but with none of the high-calorie trappings that make the sandwich more palatable. And therein lies the real problem with Subway's breakfast menu: If you have to add unhealthy things like wing sauce, ranch or extra cheese to make the sammies taste better, then eating Subway's breakfast doesn't do you much good in the health department.

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Have you tried the AM Crunchwrap at Taco Bell?  It is my favorite fast food breakfast item anywhere.  Also the AM Mt Dew is great. 

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

I knew who wrote this after reading the first paragraph, and without looking at the byline.

Some constipated @#%$* needs to get laid. ;-)

By the way, you pasted in the graphics for Subway and Quizno's backward.

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

On second thought, I saw your photo online, and maybe skipping breakfast is a better idea. Apparently you're not skipping any meals.

jenna-furrr topcommenter

@Cognitive_Dissident You know, up until you posted this comment, I hadn't realized I was fat. Now I'm going to eat nothing but boiled green beans and change my entire outlook on life.


@Cognitive_Dissident I don't even know the author, but that's really mean. I suppose you are flawless in appearance, right?

Cognitive_Dissident topcommenter

@MO_242 If you read her article, it's more than a little mean. They all seem to be. That's what inspired the comment.

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