Five ways for the Girl Scouts to sell more cookies

Honey Boo Boo -- and her mouthy, mud pit-diving mother -- pissed off all but one of their local Georgia Girl Scout troops this week when the trailer-park toddler autographed boxes of Girl Scout cookies and had momma sell them on the "annernet." They sold like dime bags of ditchweed in Georgia, and the favored troop got all the spoils while the other troops got jack and squat. And the kicker here was that Honey Boo Boo isn't even a Girl Scout. You gotta love redneck marketing schemes, so why not level it up and have other famous celebs sign boxes for sale? Chris Brown can sign a few, charge extra for the boxes he punched holes in, and some lucky troop will benefit.

1. Sell the f*cking cookies on the f*cking internet!!!!

Sell. The. Damn. Cookies. On. The. Internet. For the love of the new pope -- whoever he is -- just let the girls sell on the Internet" by the box, by the case, by the pallet, by the ton, with free shipping included. The Girl Scouts don't currently allow Internet sales because of some outdated notions about community, developing social skills and sweat-equity entrepreneurship, but they are completely depriving an entire market of fervent consumers who don't have the time or energy to track down a little cookie-peddler. If the organization really wants to help the kids learn useful skills that will last a lifetime, then teach them how to build cookie-selling websites, train them to hack into other troops' sites for corner-the-market sabotage, and give those industrious little tikes some real-real life skills they can use to get ahead.